We Love Larry

Trailer Pictures

2012-02-09T15:17:00.001-05:00

Diary post

2012-01-05T16:40:00.001-05:00

I was laughing at something today after listening to the kids. Technology, games, whatever other influences are making kids a little too grown up or at least a little too “in tune”. Example. Today the kids were talking about a video game in which they own a house. The 7 year old and the 16 year old were arguing about the portion of the mortgage they should each pay for the rooms they use in the house. They were talking about being foreclosed upon for god’s sake. Sam also plays a video game that allows him to build a car for optimized racing. He is often giving me advice on changing the torque ratio of the transmission and the performance ratings of turbo chargers. I guess it’s ok. They still have no idea what it is like to have a normal life. In their world dad and mom are home every day. I don’t know what they would think if I had to go to the office on a regular basis. Sam has never experienced any long term amount of time where I’m not a room away when he needs me. I guess we’ll see how that works out. Sorry, but some of these posts are just to serve as a diary of sorts on what is going on in our lives. It’s not very entertaining, but I saw that I started this blog at the end of 2008 and figured if it has been this long I had better keep things in perspective and make a note for posterity.

2012

2012-01-04T20:47:00.001-05:00

2012. Wow. By now I have likely alienated anyone who came here to read my silliness over the years, but I’m hanging in there. My family and I have more adventures in us and I’m sure I will be further inspired to write about whatever goofiness I encounter.

Larry and Wilma are in Florida visiting for a couple of months. It’s going to be cool to have them nearby for a while. I have Sam convinced that Grandpa Larry has chocolate chip cookies around ALL the time. So far I have ben right.

Sara starts a new adventure in a few days, embarking on a non-traditional path of “learn a trade” first, school, maybe, second. Jen also is re-starting school in a week or so to prep for a nursing program that she has been accepted to in…….ST. LOUIS!. I’m going home. I can’t wait to take Sam to a Cardinals game and to visit Orion for some weekend adventures. I hope Jen and Sara like the Midwest and we can stay a while, otherwise we will be off on another “something”

Ok….this will serve as a 2012 kick off for the blog. I can’t promise additional consistency for the year. I’ve made that mistake before. Happy New Year. Keep checking in.

Driving Miss Sara

2011-12-06T20:38:00.001-05:00

I have witnessed the joy of learning many times. Sam learning to walk. Sara learning another language. It all seemed kind of sweet and amusing. Today I was a part of “Sara learning to drive”. I am not here to give her a hard time. In fact she did a pretty good job. She made it to Taco Tuesday and around the neighborhood with only a couple of “moments". The curious part of this adventure was watching someone learn something in a totally new way. Example. It’s amusing and entertaining to watch a baby try to figure out what foot to put forward and then plop down on its butt. Everyone points and laughs, the baby giggles and flops around to try again. It is not amusing OR entertaining when the 16 year old can’t figure out what pedal to push, how hard and how close one might be to crashing thousands of dollars of metal and glass into one another. All of my previous teaching moments have only placed the learning person in peril. This was a whole new ball game. You take for granted that a 16 year old can determine when to turn the wheel to get the car from A to B. You can’t. The one I can’t figure out is how long or how the message gets lost from ear to foot. STOP!!! – It actually doesn’t work. You can say or yell stop 3-4-5 times and not get the desired result. I’m also still in awe of the human brain and how a person can think it might be ok to simply drive across a lane of traffic without even bothering to glance either way. Are all kids like this, or does my kid have no sense of self preservation? I guess we’ll find out. Stay tuned.

We Love Baseball

2011-11-26T20:24:00.001-05:00

Sorry if you already know this story and are clicking old “WLL” because it’s a vital part of your day, but I have to write this for posterity. I’m getting old and might not remember the details.

September 13th, 2011. We buy plane tickets for St. Louis. Jen and I are going back to the “Lou” to scout out some possible places to live. That’s a whole other story. I think the Cardinals are about 5 games back in the Wild card race. As soon as I got confirmation of the flight I decided, on a whim, to see what baseball game was being played on that date. Game 6 of the World Series. Wouldn’t that be fun? I text my brother to get some tickets as a joke.

The next couple of weeks roll by and the Cardinals are rolling too. I could drag it out little by little, but I found myself in bed, hunched over the computer with Jen, pricing World Series tickets sometime early in the NLCS. We found them for $350’ish a piece. Too much. I told her to let it go and if it was meant to be then God would take care of it.

Game 1 of the World Series came and went and this was starting to become interesting. Jen was watching me get more and more antsy through Game 1 and once it wrapped up she turned her computer screen to me. 1 ticket for $150.00 – face value from the Cardinals web site. What? Really? She said “I’m buying it.” A couple of clicks and I had one lonely ticket. What kind of fun is that? 15 minutes later she said to me…”What was the Section/Row of that ticket we bought?” “Oh…here’s the one right next to it on StubHub.” Ok God…very funny. Trying to sneak into my world by using baseball as a backdoor. Of course at this point we are in for the “weirdly coincidental where the hell did that come from ticket”.

Back on planet earth we arrive in St. Louis as planned, but just as Larry was loading up his rain coat, winter coat and mittens, Game 6 gets postponed. Turns out the next day will be perfect weather, who knew?

I don’t have to tell you about the game. Click here if you really don’t know. Are you kidding me?

I got to spend an evening at one of the best World Series games ever….with my Dad. We high fived our way out of that stadium until I thought Larry’s arm would fall off. There. It is written.

Sorry Larry. I love you, but I love Jen for looking for tickets. I love Mom for taking the sting off of the “weirdly coincidental where the hell did that come from” ticket. I love baseball. God – whoever you are? Thanks for providing the once in a lifetime day with Larry.

“I like you Betty”

2011-11-26T10:56:00.001-05:00

Today I have completed the translating and deciphering of what I like to call “The wave”. Runners and bike riders are likely best familiar with the wave. It’s that brief social period when you cross paths with another bike rider or runner. Each of you feel somewhat compelled to recognize the fact that you are existing in close proximity to one another…some people feel compelled NOT to recognize this interaction which has it’s own meaning. After years of these encounters and studying them in most of my spare time I have reduced them to only a few meanings. I’ve included pictures so agoraphobic people can know what I’m talking about also.

Let’s get the most disconcerting one out of the way. The “No reaction whatsoever”

This is the most awkward interaction there is. Likely you have tried to read the scenario and have prepared what you think is the best greeting for the occasion. I like to go with the simple finger flex. Since I’m riding my bike I can simply extend my fingers off of the handle into a half hearted “I see you, but I don’t know you” acknowledgement. If you get snubbed with the “NRW” it’s best to curse them under your breath and not turn and insist on a better greeting. I’ve learned this one first hand. This is why I can only offer the finger flex with my right hand.

I’ve determined that the reason people use this approach is three possibilities. One – They feel that they are athletically superior to you by comparing shoes or attire and cannot be bothered to interrupt their quest for Olympic fame to offer you the increased wind resistance of a wave. Two – They were contemplating their greeting and missed the window of opportunity. Sometimes you can catch them responding well after the fact in some sort of weird Doppler reaction. Three – They don’t give a shit.

The next greeting is probably worse than receiving nothing at all. The “Overzealous”.

I’ve only determined two possible reasons for the “OZ”. They are politicians or I seemed so compelling as I approached them that they chose the “OZ” in hopes that I will stop and became their friend. I’ve never stopped after receiving the “OZ” because I don’t want Rick Scott to get his hopes up that I’ll vote for him and anyone who needs friends bad enough to flag them down on the street is not someone I want to be friends with. Here is an example of the “OZ”

Here’s a version of my greeting.

The third greeting is the hardest of all. The “audible”. Football fans might recognize the term, but it has a completely different meaning here. The problem with the audible is that you have to have the proper response. Too often I’ve responded to “Watch out asshole” with a “Good morning”. This is another point at which you cannot turn around and undo your mistake. These are the ones I take note of and hope that I see them again. The problem with this is that I don’t have a very good memory for faces and have insulted more people in cases of mistaken identity. It has gotten to the point that I have to change my route about every 3 months as this is about how long it takes to form a posse.

The last greeting that I will recognize is the combo wave and audible. This is an extreme case of over zealousness and can only mean one thing. These people are cruising the roads for anonymous sex partners. Once again these are also likely to be politicians and you should never stop.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

2011-11-21T15:49:00.001-05:00

Gobble – Gobble

You might be camping…

2011-08-24T21:18:00.001-04:00

After camping for these past long weeks I have come up with a twist on the saying used by Jeff Foxworthy and it is “You might be camping…”

You can add the obligatory words in front of or behind the next few statements, you’ll get the picture. I’ll get you started with the first one.

- If you have to walk 100 yards to your shower / toilet AND you have to wait in line to do either…you might be camping.

- If you stroll by your neighbors “house” and are jealous of how level it is…

- If you turn off the air conditioner so that you can run the water heater…

- If your neighbors change 3 different times in a week and you refer to the old ones as “Georgia Airstream with the shitty bikes”…

- If WiFi, cable TV and cell phone service seem like miracles…

- If someone screams “WATER!” if you let the water run for more than 3 seconds…

- If DUMP STATION is sooooo not changing the radio channel…

- If you get 9 mpg and are thrilled…

I’ve been mulling these over for days as you can tell by their hilarity…time to get back to civilization.

Keep going, plenty of room….

2011-08-12T14:05:00.001-04:00

If you ever want to visualize the differences between men and women I suggest you do the following. Go down to your local boat ramp or RV park and wait for a husband and wife “team” to arrive. Find a good vantage point that you can hear them from and sit back and observe.

First thing you will notice is that the MAN has to drive the truck / car. There is no turning over machinery to the woman. Second thing you will notice is that the woman already knows where this is going and has a scowl on her face. Typically they will have already agreed upon some signals and words that will guide them to success. These words and signals will cease to work as soon as the activity is started. Usually the man will get frustrated first, make a rude remark, and exit the vehicle. This will start an argument over the signals and words and this will usually happen a couple of times before the man simply decides he can do it alone and backs the trailer / boat into a(n) (insert inanimate object here). A team of two guys can usually get the above task done through grunts and signals that are genetically common to other men. A team of two women can probably get the job done, but it usually takes longer because there will be men watching and giving advice. This tends to slow the women down, plus they have to waste gestures on the men watching.

You think I’m kidding…go set up your lawn chair for the ultimate people watching opportunity. Report back to me.

Spring forward…don’t fall back

2011-08-11T22:37:00.001-04:00

Just a short update since I haven’t posted for a bit. Sara is hiding in some militant Swedish girls camp in an undisclosed location in Minnesota, so we took this opportunity to do some additional camping. I still have more thoughts on camping, hang in there.

I think I posted earlier that trying to find good swimming in Florida during the summer is a challenge. If I didn’t, this will about sum it up. Anything that holds water (including the Gulf of Mexico) turns into a boiling bucket of pee on or about June 15th. Everyone comes down here on vacation and thinks they are going to hang on the beach, well, they best stay on the beach. The water sucks. We decided to do something about it. We hooked up the trailer and headed to Wekiwa Springs State Park near Orlando. Why you ask? Well according to the literature the water is significantly better than the pee water described above. It didn’t take long to find out. I expected to have to hack a trail through the bush to get to said springs and much to my surprise it is very in keeping with its Orlando location…ripe for touristy pleasure. Here is a picture unless you clicked the link and got basically the same shot.

My first observation was that about 50% or more of the swimmers were huddled near the stairs. I figured, “Great…it’s swimming lesson day and all these idiots can’t swim”. I took one step down the stairs myself and found out why everyone was there. The water was freezing. Amazing. After tiptoeing around the stairs for a bit Jen, Sam and I decided that we had stumbled on the answer to the Florida bladder water that we found everywhere else. We had a blast. There was another group huddled around the spring head where you could dive down 20 or so feet into the clear spring water. I don’t know about diving into cavern like structures. I’ve seen too many Peter Benchley movies. We have been back a couple of times and find this state park to be clean, quiet, fun and best of all…5 minutes from Publix and a Redbox kiosk. More soon…

SPAM is a dumb name for really crappy e-mail

2011-08-02T21:06:00.001-04:00

Rather than go another month or so without writing something I will just riff on some random thing. Sorry.

The random thing is my SPAM filter on my e-mail. I usually just go through it, empty it and move on. Today I decided to make sure I wasn’t missing some notice from Publisher’s Clearing House. I wasn’t. What I did find is that I think I am being targeted by some really crappy marketing people who don’t know their audience…

Clue number one that I might not be “the guy” for this e-mail subject: Black Guy Daily. I really hope they are finding the right people for whatever they are selling. I’d hate to see the look on their faces when all of us white guys show up for the “Black guy meeting” I’m not even sure what you would sell at the black guy meeting that you would specifically single them out for. Might as well call it a “Plain old guy” meeting and you get twice the audience.

The next e-mail rightfully planted in my SPAM box is this one – Subject: CristianMingle

This one I actually opened to get some ammo for this writing. Lo and behold it has a link for Christian Singles. I don’t click links. I guess that one will forever be a mystery. I really hope it goes to a legitimate site, but I’m guessing that the Christians all clicked like crazy on that one and have some explaining to do.

Last and not least…the e-mail I was waiting for…”You have just been selected…” Oh well I have to click this right? What? Another link? How bad could it be? I HAVE been selected. They wouldn’t do harm to the selected one would they? I mean it seems alright it did make it to a special folder in my own personal e-mail box. You aren’t still reading to see what happened when I clicked it are you? I don’t click links.

What color water?

2011-07-25T20:24:00.001-04:00

Whitewater rafting. I had conjured up a lot of images in my mind pertaining to this event, but none of them matched the actual activity. I guess it’s probably best to list them off as I thought about them.

Fear: Sore muscles and exertion, as well as fear that I don’t have muscles or lung capacity for exertion.

Reality: I saw plenty of, let’s call them, “fans of food” lining up at the waiver table prior to the actual rafting. It turns out that most of the whitewater on this trip was contained to a bunch of short areas and that the rest of the trip was relatively leisurely floating. Don’t get me wrong, “a bunch” was a good many stretches of “better get paddling”, but it was just enough rest in between to get me excited for the next burst.

Fear: I would spend my entire time fishing Sam out of the river and scared to death of someone having to pull me out of the water.

Fact: If you paid attention to the instructions I eventually found that it would be tough to fall out and even if you did it seemed like they were pretty good at chasing people and rafts down.

Fear: One or all of us would not have fun or find it not enjoyable.

Fact: My family is a wide range of interests and abilities in so many things, but every one of us had a blast. Take a look at this picture…everyone is smiling.

Even our guide seems to be enjoying something.

Fear: The water would be freezing or the weather would be bad, and so on…

Fact: Our first raft trip went this way…We woke up at 6:30 am for an 8:30 am launch time. It was pouring rain and we knew from the locals that the creek temperature was 58 degrees. I think that 58 degrees is an agreed upon temperature that they all get together and decide to lie about. I can imagine this is done at a town hall meeting with voting and everything. I didn’t have a thermometer, but if I had to guess the water temp. was about 4 degrees. I know what you’re thinking, but this isn’t science class…it was 4 degrees. I have missing toes to prove it. Anyhow, by the time we got going the skies cleared and the weather was how you see it in the picture. Again…we had a blast. Here are a couple more pictures, but frankly, they all look the same.

We can’t figure out why Jen has her bored face on.

Where do monkeys go to drink?

2011-07-22T21:35:00.001-04:00

This article is interesting. The basic premise is that kids are growing up to big old wimps because their playgrounds are too safe. This made me think of my playground on the school grounds of good old C.R. Hanna grade school. I think about it and I can’t really believe I’m not crippled. I also remember it from the perspective of a 3rd or 4th grader. The slide was about 30 feet tall and super fast. The monkey bars were not big but they presented a unique challenge. If you couldn’t walk up them and over them without using your hands…you were a major loser…and this was scary as hell. I know because last time I was in Orion I went over there and tried to do it. Let’s see if I can find a couple of pictures to represent.

Oh, here’s the link to the article… Are playgrounds too safe?

This is def. the slide…

Here is as close to the monkey bars as I could find. The bars of my youth were much bigger and if you got yourself perched up on top, well then you ruled…until someone knocked you off.

For any of you Orion people you will recognize these monkey bars…maybe.

and lastly…if you fell off the monkey bars? You fell hard and into the dirt, not some shredded up rubber, soft on your bones crap. Do a google search for “old playgrounds images” and it’s pretty interesting.

Tour de Sam

2011-07-21T17:57:00.001-04:00

Well I didn’t see it coming, but I think I’m done here.

1. Cut cord

2. Stay up all hours “caring” for him

3. Fed, bathed, diapered

4. Learned to walk

5. Feeds himself

6. Pees and poops in appropriate locations (for the most part)

7. Can write and read his own name and a few other words…

Rides a bike!!!!

He can figure out girls and cars on his own. God knows I haven’t.

Fax machines? Seriously?

2011-07-20T21:53:00.001-04:00

This has happened to me so many times I can’t believe I haven’t written about it. It doesn’t matter where, it doesn’t matter who, but inevitably I’m going about my business and BAM “Yeah…just fax it over”. What!*#$

Fax it over?

First…people don’t have friggen fax machines. Well I take that back. Most people probably DO have fax machines, they just didn’t take the time to set up their all-in-one printer to take advantage of that hot 1980’s technology. I can’t believe that the doctor that just ordered me an MRI from the hospital that scanned my palm for identification needs me to FAX him over a form. The even funnier part is that I really bamboozled them by asking if I could e-mail it to them. “We just use fax machines here sir.” The next time I go to an appointment with this guy I’m going to ask if he could bleed me a little to release the bad energy or if maybe I could have some of Mrs. Winslow’s soothing syrup for my cough.

Fax machines…WTF?

Brrrr…

2011-07-20T21:32:00.001-04:00

The whole idea of our trip, the central theme, was “avoid the heat”. We had decided that after 5 years of summers in Florida that we would do the opposite of what the snowbirds do…we sunbirds would go North for the summer. The problem with Florida isn’t really the heat as much as it is the consistency, here…let me show you our current 10 day forecast.

Now I’m pretty sure that I don’t have to go to meteorology school to forecast the weather for Florida in the summer. When it is that hot for that long a funny thing happens…the water heats up. Ok that was sarcastic…it’s not funny. The pools and even the ocean get up to around 90 degrees. Picture yourself arriving at the St. Petersburg beach, sun shining, waves crashing and you set off on a run to splash into the cool, soothing blue water only to find that you might have just dunked yourself in a tub of pee. Sorry…there was no better way to put it.

Now this is more like it.

This is a spot on the creek that we found slow moving water and water that was over 6 feet deep…and get ready for it…58 degrees!

We had a blast playing in the creek and checking out the cool waterfalls.

I even made a couple of friends.

These butterflies followed me for about half an hour…Sam giggled the whole time.

Step 2–Summer 2011

2011-07-17T09:59:00.001-04:00

Scroll down if you want to read this in order. It won’t make sense anyhow, so either way….

Still in Bryson City, NC we have a number of things on our list. Curiously a town in the hills of North Carolina has quite a few “things to do”. Today it is the Great Smokey Railroad. I’d love to tell you that we hopped the rails in a fit of adventure and stowed away on some freighter through the Smokey mountains, but we didn’t. In fact I think we paid enough in fares to extend the railway all the way to the “Just OK Smokey Mountains”. Sam is a bit of a train nut and saw one of those brochures and we were screwed from there. We had a good time, but the trip is like 4 hours long and after about 45 minutes of 5 MPH train riding and a couple of bridges you’ve seen it all. It followed the Nantahalla river and we waved at every one of the 500 river rafters and that was also fine for about 15 minutes. The other 3 hours was pretty much a snooze fest. Here are a couple of pictures.

Ok…only one picture…I’ll post the “Pay $20 for a good tourist picture or you can’t get off” photo later.

Stay tuned. Stories of bears, swimmin’ holes, deadly storms and probably more pictures of goats.

Orion update

2011-07-17T09:39:00.001-04:00

It occurs to me that some people might check this blog still clinging to the hope that they might find out some info. about my father, the “Larry” in We Love Larry. I guess that’s fair. We almost called it “We Love Tacos”.

Larry and Wilma are in Alaska. No you read that right. This isn’t some new reality TV show. At some point I think my message was received. That’s right I take full credit for them going on an Alaskan cruise. I didn’t pay for it or anything, so my credit doesn’t really mean much. I’ve been kind of living a life of “Oh well, might as well do that” and I think it caught on just a little bit. I just got off the phone with Mom last night calling me from Skagway, Alaska while she was waiting to find out if she could find a spot on the dogsled. I’m not kidding. They are spending 10 days cruising and sledding around Alaska and I hope they have a blast. I’m pretty sure my Mom has wanted to do this for quite a while. I’m also pretty sure my Dad hasn’t, but he’s healthier and always been a good sport.

There’s the Orion update. They aren’t in Orion.

Step 1–Summer of 2011–Bryson City, NC

2011-07-16T11:16:00.001-04:00

Hey who would have thunk it…the Dodge Durango made it to North Carolina. It has been a long time since I had driven anything like a trailer and I think as an adult it gives me anxiety. What if one of the tires blows out? Will the brakes hold? I can barely see in the mirror….In my life I have driven almost any vehicle you can imagine. Street sweeper, road grader, cop car, fire truck, the list goes on. I pride myself on my use of mirrors and all the stuff men should be able to do. Along the way it seems I have lost my ability to back up and place a trailer in the proper place. It haunts me as I pull into our campground. How big is the space? Is it backing to the right or to the left? (Trust me, it matters) Will there be people watching? But I digress…If you get a chance, take a look at Bryson City, NC and if you are one of my Orion people, try to find the similarities.

Bryson City Wikipedia link

Of course you have to subtract the mountains and the river…anyhow, our first foray into the wilds is north of Bryson City at the Deep Creek campground.

This place had it all. A creek for tubing, and goats. This is, of course, the kids list of “having it all”. We had a great spot right on the creek and the kids quickly became friends with the “kids”

I don’t have any pictures of us on “the crick” but here is a stock shot from the campgrounds website…it’s pretty accurate.

All of this was basically located at the entrance to the Great Smoky Mountain National Park where I got to ride my bike every morning with Sara.

We had a blast at this campground. I’ll post some more pictures later.

What I did this summer….

2011-07-16T10:44:00.001-04:00

I know it’s been a while. I’m not even sure people will still look here for my hijinks, but I’m going to write them for posterity.

I think I wrote a while back that we were going to do something interesting this summer, but I’m not even going to look back and see how interesting I might have promised. It didn’t turn out that way is all that I know. Here is some background, some catching up, if you will.

The grand plan - 3 months

This is best served in map form. I could write about it and never do it justice.

Roughly 3,100 miles…ONE Way…I dedicated an entire spreadsheet to the gasoline alone. Conservative estimates put this at about $3000 in gas alone. Can you see the grand plan fading? We actually booked places to stay, things to do, places to see along the way. The death knell of “the plan” came in the form of a $1000 car repair bill and a $1500 (and growing) hospital bill. The hospital thing is a whole story in and of itself.

The ACTUAL Plan – 4 weeks

Also best served in map form

We set out for the Great Smokey Mountains. We had never been…didn’t have places to see, things to do, and really didn’t book places to stay until the last minute.

Oh did I mention that we were doing this by pulling a 24 foot camper with a 1999 Dodge Durango….145,000 miles on it since you asked.

More to come…

Long in the tooth

2011-05-01T20:07:00.001-04:00

I’m pretty sure I’m getting old. Today I almost killed a man on his bike. I pulled one of those maneuvers I thought only old people do…so maybe I’m right. It was a multi-tasking thing. In an effort to get out of the way of another car turning, I pulled out without looking the other way. This came as quite a surprise to Vance Headstrong as he braked hard enough to force some of his camelback water into his sinuses. Jen didn’t say anything, but I know she was not impressed. Another sign that I’m getting old and also related to driving is that I no longer speed. I’m content to get wherever I’m going, whenever I get there. I haven’t reduced myself to driving under the speed limit, but I do curse at people who I think are just going “Too darn fast”. I guess I’m probably not too bad off. I sat here for a while staring at this blog trying to think of other clues that I might be getting old, but couldn’t come up with more of them. Sorry to cut this short, but I gotta run…the news is coming on

Are you sherpa?

2011-04-26T20:18:00.001-04:00

I’ve been watching a show on Netflix that has been driving me a bit crazy. I alternate between being amazed at the strength of these people and their stupidity. The series is called “EVEREST”. I guess it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what this show is about, but there are plenty of things in the show that might also amaze you. Here are some things I did not know.

- There are traffic jams of teams and people climbing the mountain at times. The window of opportunity to climb is so small because of the weather that everyone tries to do it at once and it gets to the point that it’s like waiting in line at the DMV.

- It’s a crap shoot whether you can make it or not. Example…amputee guy makes the summit, but healthy Danish kid doesn’t. There are plenty of ways not to make it. I guess the amputee didn’t have to worry about frostbite.

- They send these sherpas up ahead to string safety rope. These native Tibetans climb Mt. Everest all day long setting up the rich guys to come along and get their picture taken.

Anyhow..climbing Mt. Everest has about every single barrier in the world for me to get past. You have to be in incredible shape. You have to be able to endure extreme weather conditions. You should have an affinity to Yak meat. Last but not least? You have to have some weird compelling desire to risk your life to do something that probably won’t even get you a free beer if you tell people about it…unless they’ve seen the show. Think about it. What would you say to a guy at a party that happens to mention that he climbed Mt. Everest? “Wow…cool” What else? Some other guy would come along and tell a story about a fish and everyone would forget Everest guy. No thanks.

When I get older, losing my hair…sing along

2011-04-24T10:25:00.001-04:00

Miss me?

I always hated it when I would read a blog regularly and then suddenly the person decided to stop updating it. I don’t know if there, are or were “regular” readers out there, but I’m still here and sorry for the lack of activity.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking while I’ve been away, so I think I have plenty to write about. We’ll see how that goes. The 50 ideas I have to share usually turn into 2 or 3 semi-amusing pieces about the grocery store or someone’s bad driving. I did tease about some possible upcoming Carroll family adventures and there is a definite plan forming for the summer. Here’s a hint. (Click here) More on that later.

Also…remember the huge successes in the bike riding arena? (Previous post of uber bike riding) My goal for 2010 was 500 miles. Today I finished up at mile 411. Today is also the 114th day of the year. You do the math. I’m kicking ass. Disclaimer: For any of you that ride bikes regularly I know 411 miles isn’t that impressive, but give me a break I only accomplished 365 miles last year.

What else? One of the other reasons I have returned to writing this blog is that I lost my Uncle Ray a bit ago. I wasn’t super close to my Uncle over the last bunch of years, but I remember many times with him and his family fondly. I’m pretty sure he kept up with my antics and my father’s progress through this blog on occasion and wanted to post something that said, “Thanks for being a part of my life Ray. We will all miss you. You still can’t keep score for the card games because it was always a point of contention, but I’ll play cards with you still when we meet again. Love Jon”

That’s all for now. I have made promises to write more, write every day, write better and with better punctuation and grammar…sorry for that. I simply promise to check in and keep things alive here. Check in soon.

Jon

Could I get the McTofu meal?

2011-02-26T11:36:00.001-05:00

Have you ever run across this person? The person who is apparently at McDonalds for the first time or thinks that Dunkin’ Donuts is a sit down brunch? I get behind these people all the time. This morning I think the guy in front of me was messing with the employees and he was definitely messing with me. You know how Dunkin’ Donuts has all the doughnuts sitting in front of you for the choosing? This guy was, I think, purposefully choosing donuts that they didn’t have and I don’t think they even made them. The girl would smile politely and say, “No sir…we don’t have that flavor today”. Seriously he did this 4 times. “Ummm..you have any of those, ummm doughnuts without the holes? The ones made with coconut flour?” I really love the McDonalds visitors that stare at the menu above the counter like it’s a brand new experience. “Ooooh, hey honey…look, they have Big Macs at this one!” There really needs to be lines for different types of people. I’m not sure how you would get the really dumb people into the right line, but maybe a sign that says, “Do not enter this line. It is off limits!!” They would flock to that one. You know why.

2011 – It’s like 2010 only different

2011-01-08T10:47:00.001-05:00

If I post something here today the right side of the bog will note that I have made some form of effort in 4 different years. Crazy. I don’t know what the average length of time that someone actively blogs, but I know why it is likely a small number.

For anyone that is keeping track my bicycle miles for 2010 came out to exactly 365. This makes it easy to remember and my goal for 2011 is to double that.

Larry and Wilma are in Florida, and have been since early December. We spent Christmas together which is a good thing. They are staying in an undisclosed location about an hour and a half from our place. Undisclosed because it is in the middle of nowhere Florida. I get why they aren’t staying next door, trust me, but it is a bit of a haul.

What else?

Well sorry, but today wasn’t about entertaining anyone, but to let you know that I’m still making an effort and to keep checking back. I’ve promised all sorts of diligence over time, but my remaining promise is simply to write when it feels right. Heh…you can use that for a bumper sticker if you like.

More to come. Happy New Year!

Seriously? 2 years?

2010-12-11T19:51:00.001-05:00

I’m not sure how I happened to look at this on exactly the correct date, but today is the 2 year anniversary of the We Love Larry blog. Crazy. I would have given you everything I had if you would have told me I was still posting my silliness here 2 years ago. That would have meant that I still had my dad. I still do have my dad and I’m thankful for that every time I write here and I’m reminded of what started this weirdly ever changing blog. I’m also reminded that I’m lucky to have so many other people in my life. I hope at some point in the last two years I might have nudged a person here and there to think about or pass along the same sentiments to someone they love. If you are reading this and haven’t done that yet, do it now. Life is short and you might have 2 years more to tell funny stories or travel around like a fool, but you might not. “Get busy living”. The second part of the quote sucks, just do the first part and you’ll be fine.

I love all of you…that ought to cover it.

Jon

Adventures in scootering (Part 3)

2010-12-11T19:32:00.001-05:00

So I just returned home from one of the longest episodes of “Family Guy” ever. Apparently a side affect of being away from home for a while is basically, complete loss of brain function. Let me explain. I walked Jen to the car tonight as she was off to do some Jen type things. She waved goodbye to me FROM THE CAR and I waved back, so far so good. An hour or so later the kids and I decided on pizza from a local pizza joint. No problem…pick up the pizza in 20 minutes. Perfect. Have I mentioned that we only have ONE car? It seriously didn’t dawn on me that I couldn’t actually retrieve the pizza and I didn’t have a car until I was walking out the door. This is when I realized that due to a completely unrelated story of Christmas friendship and generosity, I had a working Vespa. Intriguing. Here’s how it was going to go down. It was dark, the temperature was a cool 55 degrees and I was about to traverse one of the busiest intersections in our area, next to the mall, a week or so from Xmas. I made it to the pizza joint no problem, paid for the pizza and then spent 15 minutes trying to determine how in the hell I was going to get a large pizza home on a scooter. Here’s what I worked out.

I’m sure my fellow Floridians had a good chuckle at the middle aged pizza delivery guy who got stuck delivering pizza in the 50 degree weather on Friday night. Eh, whatever. It was actually kind of adventurous. Sad, but true.

Black, green, purple Friday, you can keep it…

2010-11-26T21:02:00.001-05:00

I get the whole “I’m going to go shopping” on the busiest shopping day of the year. For some it’s a curiosity, for others it’s a people watching event, for women it’s primal. What I don’t get is the camping out on the sidewalk hoping to save __% on whatever. There is no “item” that could make me take my time, my comfort and my hygiene to sit in front of some retail store for any length of time. Someone said to me, “Even if your child had an extra special gift that they asked for and you could only get it that way?” Yes…even then. The first problem with that argument is that there is always that extra special something for kids and it is a moving target. Let’s pretend this special thing was, say a….brick. You would always be watching the brick wondering if they are using it. You would ask them about the brick and obsess that they properly understood the type of sacrifice it took to obtain the brick and then they would release the Brick V2 and you would be all sorts of mad. The second argument is that I don’t want to raise a child that thinks this is a good idea either. Next thing you know a grandkid comes along and now you have two generations of idiots in front of the Best Buy and the species takes another downturn. Keep your Friday, I’ll be out there on December 24th with my own set of problems.

Central Perk this is not….

2010-11-23T20:03:00.001-05:00

Funny thing. The other day I received one of those “A family member from Nigeria has left you millions” e-mails. I chuckled to myself, deleted it and posted on Facebook how lucky I was that this family member remembered me and left me millions of dollars. This is the point where you know who your real friends are and how well they know you.

- My real friends started right in on how I should also send my social security number and that it sounds like such a great deal that they would like to get in on it also. These are the people who know that: a – I’m not that stupid. b – I enjoy a good laugh about these things.

- The second group of friends commented that they weren’t sure if I was kidding, but if I got some money they would like some too…but be careful.

- The last group of friends told me I should call the cops, DON’T DO IT – IT’S A SCAM!! I really need to be careful and that this type of stuff never works out.

I really should take anyone from that last group and just remove them from the friends list. They obviously don’t know enough about me to be my actual friend. I am touched that they cared enough to respond and warn me, but I’m also worried that they think of me as their dumb friend from Florida. I’ll probably keep them around because it’s very traumatic to get dropped as a friend on Facebook. I don’t want any of them crying to me and begging me to let them back in “the circle”. For my friends that read this blog…that was sarcasm.

Long days night

2010-11-20T12:28:00.001-05:00

You’re gonna love this one, especially when you get to the picture..Don’t look!

Where to start? I’ll save you the run up to this deal, but a couple of days ago Sara attended a concert in downtown Tampa. This was not just a concert mind you. For all of you music people out there, picture your most prized music moment. The chance to go see that single most favorite artist, IN CONCERT! What comes to mind? Beatles? Rolling Stones? Clapton? Ratt? This was it. Sara’s chance to live the dream. She actually had tears in her eyes when she realized that she was going to go to this concert. Now…picture how the typical relationship is portrayed between the music that kids love and how their parents view that music. Got that pictured in your head? Amplify it by a factor of 100 and this is how it works out in our house. I couldn’t wait to hear from Jen how this concert went and if she avoided listening to any of the earthy warbles of this artist. In fact, here, take a listen.

Fate has a strange ability, especially in our house. Since I was the one who could not stand this music the most, fate determined that I was the one to take her to the concert. I’ll try to make a long story short. The harpist / composer shown above is apparently well renowned and has played Carnegie hall and the Sydney Opera house. I really can’t imagine how that happened, but oh well. Sara spent a few hours listening to her favorite artist in life, had her picture taken with her (OMG! OMG!) and carries around various items that this girl autographed for her. Sara has listed this night as one of the “greatest nights of my life”. I think fate was also trying to tell me something here also. I didn’t complain once that night about the music or the endless hours of standing (some of the time in the rain), waiting for the concert to be over. I figured it was a rare chance for her to experience something that she loved. I found myself smiling and enjoying her experience along side of her. I think I would listen to this crazy harp music every day if I got to see my Sara that happy all the time.

Here is the final “fate” moment. Something stepped in and erased any evidence of this concert from the marquee. The fat guy on the bench seems to notice something funny is going on also.

Oh…here’s the after concert, hang around the back of an old dilapidated building hoping to meet the great Jo New picture.

A bird in the hand…

2010-11-18T18:17:00.001-05:00

Today I had a pretty hilarious lunch. I took Sara to a new restaurant that has opened nearby, a chain restaurant called Red Robin (obligatory “Yummmmm”). Since they have only been open like 4 days the place is a disaster. Every Land O Laker and Wesleyan in the tri state are is pretending like they’ve never had a hamburger before and dropping by the Red Robin (Yummm). To top it off the management is trying to make a good impression and you basically get assigned a Red Robin gopher as you arrive. No sooner than my ass hit the seat I was brought up to speed on the “Tower of onion rings” appetizer, the Red Robin club, had my drink order taken and given the old “My name is Neville and I’ll be taking care of you today” From this point on it was a parade of “Is everything ok?” “Can I / we get you anything?” and “I’d like to welcome you to Red Robin, hope everything is good!” By the time the girl held the door open and gave me a “Come back soon” I was ready to burn the place down. It was probably the most un-relaxing lunch I have ever had. I didn’t even tell you that we sat between two bible salesmen and a couple who was likely on an inappropriate business date. At least this kept Sara busy. She’s a bit of a snoop.

I think they are going to think it was a bad idea to give me the “How did we do?” survey on the way out. Check back soon. I have a lot of other local eateries to review.

Rescue for the win!

2010-11-11T20:38:00.001-05:00

Helmet, Schmelmet

2010-11-11T20:10:00.001-05:00

The other day I mentioned the people who drive their kid to the bus stop. Today I will mention that I also drive my kid to the bus stop….on my bike. The problem is I have caught a bad case of the “Helmet shun”. I got caught up in a bad thought process while in Holland and people are giving me bad looks in the states. Essentially I hoist Sam onto the back of the bike and we ride up to the bus stop without wearing helmets. Two issues. 1. – I’m actually breaking the law, and 2. – I’m causing a traffic stir on the parking lot.

Here is a link to the Holland thought process I speak of: Nice helmet!

Here is a picture that basically shows how we get to the bus stop.

The #2 thing on my list drives me a bit nuts. There are rules to driving cars. When I’m on my bike I expect that people will follow the car driving rules and I will know exactly what to expect from them. Problem is that these people essentially suspend their knowledge of the driving rules when they encounter a person on a bike. They refuse to pass me, they drive really slow on my tail, the stop in places where I don’t expect them to stop, it’s a mess. People…please don’t treat a bike like it is a funeral or a parade of some sort. Drive like you normally would (Rhode Islanders – drive like others normally would) and then I won’t have to buy expensive helmets.

Ok…still here.

2010-11-10T21:59:00.001-05:00

Boy I haven’t typed anything in a while. Sorry. I really need to have a notebook around my neck or one of those voice recorders to take notes on my killer observations. I usually chuckle at something and think “That would be really funny to write about” and 10 minutes later it’s gone. I will either have to try a lot harder or give up.

I will share with you a Sam story. Sam is now in first grade. In first grade there is much academic pressure. Stay within the lines, form the letters correctly, Capitalization. Sam has decided that there is really no room for expanding on his work that much. He is pretty much a bare facts kind of guy. Here let me share with you some of his work.

Accurate. Simple. Sam.

I click, therefore, here I am…

2010-10-21T13:45:00.001-04:00

I accidently clicked the “Write a blog post” link on my desktop, so in the spirit of “There is no such thing as an accident” I will write to you.

Some key events since my last post:

Sam joined Cub Scouts…pictures and “buy some popcorn” requests are on the way.
I changed jobs at work. Bigger, better job, but takes more of my time.
I have logged an additional 65 miles on my bike. Look out 500! – ok, more like look out 250!

The weather in Florida is finally cooperating and you don’t have to put on your asbestos suit to walk across the parking lot. I’m enjoying the chance to get out in the morning and bike or walk in the cooler weather.

Larry and Wilma will apparently be spending some time with us in December / January, so stay tuned for some possible “Larry wrestles an alligator” stories.

That’s all for now. Maybe this “accident” will get me going and I can get back into writing. It’s almost 2 years now of “We love Larry”. Yea!

If I could bike 500 miles…

2010-09-26T16:29:00.001-04:00

So if you even read the title then you probably have deduced that I have reached a milestone of sorts. Today I watched the odometer on my bike roll past a pretty impressive number. No it wasn’t the 500 miles as referenced in the title. But now your thinking to yourself, “Self….this being the 269th day of 2010 and crazy Jon being a strapping lad such as he is, he must have rolled that bike somewhere even more than the 500 miles he’s yapping about.” I’m here to tell you folks that I have just put 100 big ones on that two wheeler. This is the point where you start thinking to yourself, “Self…this being the 269th day of the year simple math says that old crickety Jon has only managed about a third of a mile a day, what a bum.” When I did all of this advanced math and figurin I was even more disappointed than I’m sure you are. The thing that keeps me going is that I think that the 2010 total is roughly 100 miles ahead of the 2009 total and I’m picking up steam. Today I rolled up to mile number 110.

It’s some pretty rough terrain too. Here are some shots I took while fighting the elements

I’ll put it on “paper” now. My goal for 2010 is 501 miles.

Control freak

2010-09-22T20:14:00.001-04:00

Ok. I’m almost at the end of my rope with something here. The remote control. No it isn’t missing, hidden in the bowels of the Lay-Z-boy or anything. No it doesn’t need batteries. It works just fine….for me. No one in this house can work the remote control. Here are the scenarios that are playing out nightly here:

Sam - “Dad!!! The TV is broken”

Jen – She just punches buttons over and over until I can’t take it anymore and change the channel for her.

Sara – Sara hands the remote to Sam and tells him to yell, “Dad, the TV is broken!!”

I think they might secretly be filming a reality TV show called “How long until he snaps!” They each probably get like $10,000 if they can get me to sign myself into a medical facility. Probably an extra 10k if I get taken against my will.

Vespa story – part 2

2010-09-22T20:04:00.001-04:00

So I have put off writing the “Tale of the Vespa trip” for a whole bunch of reasons. At first I thought I could make up a really good story and keep everyone on the edge of their seats with a story of adventure and intrigue. I realized soon after this thought that I don’t have a good enough imagination and I could not lie to such a vast legion of fans. I did not want to become the James Fry of the blogosphere. Truth be told? I was the recipient of a last second offer of a truck ride back from Clearwater which probably saved my a couple of hours of love bug encrusted boredom. The Vespa is safely quartered here in Wesley Chapel and I’m sure there will be more opportunities to tell Vespa stories since the thing still isn’t running right. I already imagine it…”It was a dark and stormy night…”

Road trip!!

2010-09-17T21:04:00.001-04:00

Tomorrow is the great scooter adventure. I think I’ve posted some commentary about our Vespa scooter before, but here’s a bit of background. Just prior to moving to Florida we purchased a 2004 Vespa scooter like this one.

It’s a 50 cc monster capable of speeds up to 44 mph. For the most part this is ok for putting around the various subdivisions and a trip to the grocery store, but for anything more than a couple of miles you are risking life and limb on Florida roads. This is why I will be riding it for almost 45 miles tomorrow. We had a friend of ours cart the Vepsa to Clearwater a week ago because I broke the choke housing trying to start the thing. It also apparently needed a rebuilt carburetor and some various other tunings. The problem became…How do you get it back? I have decided that asking the neighbor to cart a non-working Vespa 45 miles was not out of line, but asking him to go pick it up when it runs perfectly fine is not. I have mapped out a 45 mile trail back to our place that keeps me off the interstate and main roads for the most part. I’m calling it an adventure. No one else is of the same opinion.

Check out my route.

You might want to turn off CNN for tomorrow. Who knows what trouble I might get into and I’d rather you find out here first.

You did what to your toe?

2010-09-16T21:30:00.001-04:00

Get a load of this. Jen, a woman of many ideas and plans, has been crafting special lunches for Sam lately. I have almost no idea where the idea originated, but she has a fascination with all things “mini”. Go ahead…I’ll wait.

Here are a few of the lunch surprises that Sam has been feasting on at school. She’s becoming a master.

He says he loves them, but I’m not sure what grade you are in when this gets you beaten up on the playground. Even if there is a playground scuffle out of this I’m pretty sure the thing he will remember is how great a mom he has and how much love she put into making him lunch. I’ll stop her if she starts adding little notes though.

Don’t make me get out the belt!

2010-09-15T20:50:00.001-04:00

Why do they make the seatbelts in airplanes different than the car ones? I think that airlines have all conspired to make one big joke on first time flyers. Watch next time you fly and see if the flight attendants are snickering and pointing at people who can’t operate a seat belt. Something they think they had mastered before getting on a plane. If people are flying Southwest it’s even funnier. “If you hold a ticket with B31, wait until the A1-30’s have boarded, the take their place while the A31-60 people have processed.” Ugh. I know I have flown too much when I’m holding a “How to board a Southwest flight” class while waiting in line. Think about it and you’ll come up with more than I have mentioned, not to mention all the flying etiquette rules. I’ll save those for later…as soon as I think of them.

Really? A thousand words?

2010-09-12T22:00:00.001-04:00

So we are doing some decorating right? Jen wants a picture wall and I’m super nit picky about doing stuff like that. I have a weird thing about not wanting to put holes in walls. I’m not sure what that’s about. Maybe I don’t like fixing holes in walls and inevitably I’m pretty sure I’ll be doing that if I make the holes. The idea of putting 500 pictures on a single wall almost put me over the edge. It took Jen like 2 weeks to get me to even think about it.

The plan I came up with was to get all the pictures together and lay them out. I thought this would prove that it was a bad idea and Jen would decide we didn’t have enough pictures or something. Didn’t work. Once we argued over the layout of the pictures for a couple of hours my plan B was that maybe she would decide she didn’t like me anymore and we wouldn’t have to do it. Didn’t work. She likes me less now, but I still had to hang the pictures. Once we had the layout I decided that it would be a great idea to take a picture of the pictures as we agreed on them. Two reasons for this. One it would serve as a template to work off of once we picked the pictures off the floor and two it would provide evidence to the court should anything happen to me during this project. I’m just sayin’.

Here is the agreed upon layout. From high atop a barstool, which is curiously where I might end up after this is over, picture number 1.

Here is the finished product.

Now for anyone with a really keen eye you might notice something that almost was really funny…if you aren’t me. AFTER I had taken the “This is what we agree upon” picture what do you think happens? Jen decided that she didn’t like some of the pictures in their frames and swapped them out. This made putting the puzzle back together slightly more fun.

Final note. I gave Jen a hard time in this post, but it was a good idea and she chose some great shots of our family. For those of you that notice your pictures aren’t included? I’m still pondering if you are worth another hole in a perfectly good wall.

9/11/2010

2010-09-10T22:07:00.001-04:00

Here we are again. A day with so many memories. I can’t even quantify the bad memories since I keep hoping that they will fade and be overshadowed by the, let’s call them “better” memories.
I will add a story that will hopefully be a good memory as time goes on and link to my entry from last year so the story can have even more context.
I’d like to say I was the first recipient, but I’m not sure that’s true. I think another deserving recipient received the award a quarter before I received mine. I hope that the recipients of the award to this day realize the significance of what they are receiving, and I hope that I never forget. Nine years ago a colleague of mine set out on an adventure with his girlfriend and never came back. He was a team leader at APC, like me, but not. He was jamming through his career at the time and I was just starting. New to my job, but not. We weren’t friends, but we were. I had an opportunity to build a short, quick buddy story with him and then he was gone. You can read that story below, but for right now I will share with you a reminder that sits on my desk everyday and reminds me to be a leader, it makes no difference what I’m doing. Thanks Shawn. Even though I knew you only briefly, you are still a reminder of what there is to accomplish and what is important in life. I don’t need the award shown below to remember, but it can’t hurt.

Last years entry

I was born in a small town…

2010-09-10T15:21:00.001-04:00

Had a recent and quick visit to Orion Sam and I took a couple of days to head out and see the sights of the Quad Cities. Most important to Sam was that he got to play battleship. Kids are weird. Here are some photos.

We visited the Andover park after breakfast. Larry couldn’t resist.

A visit to the Quad Cities isn’t complete without a trip to the John Deere Pavilion. A trip to the John Deere pavilion isn’t complete without the obligatory picture of “People in a tractor bucket”

Sam wasn’t sure what to think about the ducks that attacked our Channel Cat taxi on the Mississippi.

This picture has an interesting story. The playground equipment Sam is riding on I rode on as a kid. I repaired it as an adult working for the Village of Orion, and now Sam is playing on it. How many kids have been flung off this thing over the years?

Service with a stick

2010-09-09T16:49:00.001-04:00

I have found the definitive clue that our economy is in full rebound. I’ve written about this topic before, but today I have two new entries in the “Why things are getting better” series. Number one. I pulled into a Shell gas station and was immediately pounced on by a teen with a stick. I fought him bravely trying to defend my family and was about to finish him off when he yelled, “I was just going to clean your windows!!” Ok…the part about him attacking me was made up, but it appears that this particular Shell station has hired two attendants to pump gas and clean windshields. To anyone not from New Jersey and under 40 years old this is unheard of. I told the guy he missed a spot on my windshield and went inside to ask what was going on. Apparently this gas station has decided that customer service is going to be their way out of the economic downturn. These guys were getting paid a wage and declining tips. I think Shell is on to something. This is my new favorite gas station.

Second. I ordered some checks from the bank the other day and about 4 hours later I get a call from the bank telling me that I could get the checks free if I changed to another type of account and since I get direct deposit it wouldn’t cost me anything. Also…they could take care of my fees on my savings account if I swapped some money around every month. So to recap, since it will sound more incredible this way.

My gas station has assigned a guy to pump my gas and wash my windows and my personal banker calls me to give me money back every once in a while.

You watch…this is the start of a new prosperity.

Mad Men

2010-08-31T10:03:00.001-04:00

I have to have a talk with the Mennonites. As I sat in the airport yesterday I observed a large party of Mennonites hanging around also, seemingly, waiting for a flight. I get it that the Mennonites aren’t Amish and don’t shun modern conveniences, but here’s my confusion. As I watched this group of people dressed like a bad episode of Mayberry RFD, I also noticed that they all had cell phones, the kids were listening to iPods and the adults had gathered around sipping some Starbucks. What’s the point in dressing like it’s still 1890 if that’s your only concession? I also noticed that the women were not wearing any makeup, but if you have to wear a potato sack what’s the point? I respect different beliefs and ways of life, but it’s all or nothing people.

It’s raining, it’s pouring, the old man is boring.

2010-08-04T10:19:00.001-04:00

Last Saturday I decided to treat myself to a Starbucks coffee, a bike ride to get me there, and some Kindle time reading a new book. Everything was going great until Rain man dropped by. I took me only a minute to realize that I had met this guy about a year prior (during my last quiet vacation to Starbucks). Like most people of his…ummm…type, he didn’t really care that I was reading a book or that the other two guys he decided to regale with his abilities were conversing. His shtick was the following:

- He could tell you the number of counties in any state of the union

- What day of the week any date that you gave him fell on.

- Year that each state joined the Union.

He proceeded to ask me and these other two guys a million questions simply so he could answer them and theoretically amaze everyone. The problem is that I didn’t want to be amazed and I’m also a skeptic. I theorized that all of this guys “knowledge” could be had by most people if they decided to waste a lot of time memorizing useless facts. What day of the week was March 13th, 1967? Monday. You know how I know? Google. I didn’t have to spend the better part of a portion of my life figuring out how the calendar works and factoring in leap years.

I kind of felt sorry for the guy and especially sorry for the other two guys as I clicked the power off on my book and said goodbye. I realized on the bike ride home that these “Rain men” are not so cool anymore since the proliferation of the internet and instant answers to everything. Like me, others are not as impressed that off the top of his head he knew that there were 102 counties in Illinois. Oh well…chalk it up to another lost art form humbled by the internet.

Larry update

2010-08-01T17:27:00.001-04:00

I just realized that I haven’t done a Larry update in quite a while, but I guess that’s a good thing. My mom doesn’t list me off a bunch of appointments or test results, so I don’t ask. I talked to him on the phone a bit ago and he seems quite Larry’ish. We talked baseball and pianos, which brings me to the subject of pianos. My mom and dad bought a piano about a thousand years ago when I was forced into excruciating lessons that forced my fingers into ungodly and un-musical positions. I quit taking piano lessons about 30 years ago, yet they still have this piano. The funny part is that my dads favorite joke is that he is sending me this piano. Do me a favor…can someone buy this thing off of them? They don’t actually know that I’m offering some of their “stuff” for sale, but make me an offer.

Since I’m posting a Larry update I might as well attach a picture.

A visit to Kansas City last month. Must have been a sale on Yankee hats.

Armadillo by morning

2010-07-31T13:01:00.001-04:00

Check out what I spied on my morning walk today.

Add this to the list of creatures that creep me out. I’m starting to think that anything short of a dog or cat and you can keep it. Do people start not liking things as they get older? (There are about 50 jokes there if anyone is inclined)

I don’t think in all my time here in Florida I have seen one of these alive. Usually they are something that Dr. G would have to explain to me from the middle of the road. (In my best Cliff Clavin voice: Interestingly these little guys get run over a lot because when you startle them they jump to bumper height.)

365 degrees

2010-07-31T12:54:00.001-04:00

Well…one year ago today we were making our way to London as the final stop off on our way back to the states. You might not believe this but not a day goes by where someone in the family doesn’t mention some aspect of our trip. I have no doubt that this family will be up for another adventure as soon as life settles down just a little bit more.

Here are some references / memories that stay with us.

The Kubb set that we are waiting to use on a fall day, or when the temperature gets below 37 degrees. (Another nod)
Sam still calls hot dogs “polse”
We still call some things Norwegian food…some in a good way, some in a different way.
We lament our ability to walk down to the ocean / fjord or into the hills depending on what we feel like.
When the TV breaks we remember that we only watched TV huddled behind the laptop to catch our favorite shows for free.
Sam saw a commercial or something about the London Olympics in 2012 and asked if we were going.

I know my blog posts are down about 50% over last year, but stay tuned. We are inevitably setting off on another adventure. We are going to spend a little more time figuring out what it is.

Phone-a-Jon

2010-07-27T07:36:00.001-04:00

So get this. I have a fear of the phone. It’s not an actual fear of the physical phone, it’s a very specific fear of the phone ringing any time, lets say, past 11:00 pm. There have been few times in my life that a phone call past that time of night has resulted in anything positive. No one has ever called me at 2:00 am to tell me they won the lottery or that they just got engaged, nothing like that. Imagine my condition when last night the phone rings at 12:02 am. I run around the house looking for the phone and here is what I get when I finally get the phone:

(Slurred) “Hello? Hello?”

Me: (Slurred for different reasons) “Hello”

“Is this 503-9961?”

That’s really as far as I need to go with this. First, my number is 421-0355. I don’t think I’ve ever had a wrong number that didn’t at least contain part of my phone number. Second…I give the lady credit. She did two things that people who dial wrong numbers rarely do. She said she was sorry. She also said goodbye and also said she was sorry for waking me up.

Swim, Swam, ….Zzzzzz

2010-07-17T20:14:00.001-04:00

This post is mostly for the grandparents, but I’m sure my vast network of readers will find it cute.

Sam takes one nap per week. Why? You might ask. Well he actually doesn’t take any naps, but he goes to swimming lessons on Tuesdays. Like clockwork this kid falls asleep 15 minutes before we arrive at swimming. He recently has decided he doesn’t like swimming lessons. I think it is because every time he experiences his lesson he is waking up from a slumber and isn’t quite sure where he is until about halfway through.

The whole point of this little entry was the picture. I could take this same picture every week.

I saw 3 ships come sailing in…

2010-07-16T21:24:00.001-04:00

Ok, so I only saw them sitting there like lumps in the water, but I saw them nonetheless.

This past weekend a group of ships labeled as “Tall ships” visited the Port of Tampa for the first time. “The Eagle” – the Coast Guard training ship, the “Capitan Miranda” – from Uruguay, and the “Gloria” from Columbia. We stood in a couple of decent lines to be able to wander the decks of two of the ships. The third ship fell victim to child indifference and hot humid weather.

The cool observation of the day occurred as I was watching an older gentleman make his way up the gangplank of the Gloria. As he hit the top step to board the ship, both officers that were there to greet everyone snapped to attention and saluted him. He was wearing some sailor related garb and I was inspired by these two guys who had no idea who this man might be, but if by chance he was one of them they were damn sure going to pay him respect. It took the old man a while to return the salute, but these guys were not about to drop their hands until he did. I’m sure it made his day.

Anyhow…here are a couple of pictures.

Ok…I only had one on my computer. The other is the gang jacking around in front of the “”Home of the Tampa Bay Lightning”

Here’s a stock photo of “The Eagle”

It just keeps flashing “12:00 a.m.” !!!

2010-07-16T20:38:00.001-04:00

I was just wondering aloud the other day…”Where the hell am I going to get a VCR to copy these ancient video tapes to my computer?” I filed that question away until WHAM…the answer hit me right between the eyes. Apparently Goodwill is where old VCRs go to die.

Who is buying these things?

Now all I have to do is scrape up the $5.06 that each of these is going for.

Goodwill hunting…or rejecting

2010-07-16T16:17:00.001-04:00

As I was checking to see if my local Goodwill store accepted books for donation I ran across some other more interesting things that they don’t accept. The list seems to have been built off of bad experiences with people donating the wrong things rather than just common sense. Here are some things that you CANNOT give to Goodwill.

- Ping pong tables / slate pool tables

- Swords

- Animals

- Chairs

Barber
Beautician
Dental

- Snack or Soda machines

- Urinals

- Swimming pools

- Ammunition

Ok…a few questions / comments.

I guess swimming pools and urinals are pretty much the same thing to a kid.

Chairs – You think they would take an electric chair?

Why wouldn’t you take a ping pong table? or a pool table. Heck, I would set those bad boys up in the Goodwill itself to have a little fun.

Feed me Seymour!

2010-07-13T15:41:00.001-04:00

I wish I had a picture of this…but the other day I took Sam to McDonalds to get his once a month Chicken McNugget fix and I overheard this lady, get this…

Ordering a pizza, while standing in line at McDonalds, WHILE her kid was tugging at her purse begging for a candy bar. For a minute I thought she was going to get to the front of the line while she was talking to the pizza joint. I was watching intently to see how that was going to go down, but Pizza Hut was just too damn efficient that day.

I guess I’ll head out to Wal-Mart and go people watching there. People of Wal-Mart

Try not to be patient…

2010-07-07T06:47:00.001-04:00

Sorry if this is way off topic or seems out of place…but Jen and I talk quite a bit about patient care and the state of our medical system in the U.S. for many reasons. Here is a writing from the guy just appointed to head Medicare and Medicaid. Maybe he can reverse the slide that patient care has seen over the last (insert time period here). This article hits home from one line you will read if you keep going. Of the time I spent with my father in the hospital, it hit me that maybe people weren’t paying him enough attention or doing things for my dad simply because they all called him “Lawrence”. I do not remember a single person who stopped to ask him what he would like to be called…it certainly wasn’t Lawrence, although he would never say anything. He was just 8/16/1940.

From Dr. Berwick

I freely admit to extremism in my opinion of what patient-centered care ought to mean. I find the extremism in a specific location: my own heart. I fear to become a patient. Partly, that fear comes from what I know about technical hazards and lack of reliability in care. But errors and unreliability are not the main reasons that I fear that inevitable day on which I will become a patient. For, in fighting them, I am aligned with the good hearts and fine skills of my technical caregivers, and I can use my own wit to stand guard against them.

What chills my bones is indignity. It is the loss of influence on what happens to me. It is the image of myself in a hospital gown, homogenized, anonymous, powerless, no longer myself. It is the sound of a young nurse calling me, "Donald," which is a name I never use—it’s "Don," or, for him or her, "Dr. Berwick." It is the voice of the doctor saying, "We think...," instead of, "I think...," and thereby placing that small verbal wedge between himself as a person and myself as a person. It is the clerk who tells my wife to leave my room, or me to leave hers, without asking if we want to be apart. Last month, a close friend called a clinic for her mammogram report and was told, "You have to come here; we don’t give that information out on the telephone." She said, "It’s OK, you can tell me." They said, "No, we can’t do that." Of course, they "can" do that. They choose not to, and their choice trumps hers: period. That’s what scares me: to be made helpless before my time, to be made ignorant when I want to know, to be made to sit when I wish to stand, to be alone when I need to hold my wife’s hand, to eat what I do not wish to eat, to be named what I do not wish to be named, to be told when I wish to be asked, to be awoken when I wish to sleep.

Call it patient-centeredness, but, I suggest, this is the core: it is that property of care that welcomes me to assert my humanity and my individuality. If we be healers, then I suggest that that is not a route to the point; it is the point.

- Dr. Donald Berwick

Happy 5th!!

2010-07-05T10:49:00.001-04:00

Well another 4th of July is behind us and I have some observations to make. What other day of the year would we do the things we do on this holiday?

- Drink a lot of beer and then go handle explosives in the dark.

- Give the kids a lighter and some explosives and shoo them off into the road.

- Laugh when one of the fireworks bounces off a car or a neighbor.

those are the dumb things and I’m guilty of them also…

Why don’t we do the other things, other days of the year?

- Pull out the grills to the driveway and cook food for the neighbors.

- Grab our beach chairs and hang out while the kids play together.

- Block off the road and take back the streets!!! Ok…that one was just a random thought about my desire for world domination, or at least Hawk Hill Loop.

We had a good time on “the Loop” yesterday. Hope everyone had a good time in your world also.

Betwixt and betwine

2010-07-05T10:37:00.001-04:00

I’ve been meaning to post this picture for a while now but keep forgetting. It might only be funny to our Swedish / Norwegian friends, but who knows? It’s quickly becoming one of my oldest and dumbest jokes when going to IKEA. So much so that I think I’ve said it and actually been overheard (which is my entire goal). I picture some guy telling his family that he learned a new Swedish word today.

So every time we go to IKEA I spy this box attached to the wall in the loading area and I pick out one of the family, nudge them and say, “Hey look…I guess that’s Swedish for “rope”…haha” At this point the designated family member will roll their eyes and I will have satisfied my urge to tell a bad joke. Anyhow, here’s the picture.

Nothing really…

2010-07-02T10:18:00.001-04:00

So a buddy of mine got the new iPhone the other day and it got me thinking. I’ve seen hundred of people with iPhones and every one of them has been encased in plastic, silicone, titanium or other sorts of protection. I just think it’s funny that whenever they launch these phones they tout how thin and shiny the new phone is and the first thing people do is double the size with a case and cover up the new shiny phone with something. Why don’t they make it thicker and less breakable?

While I’m on the topic of how observant and smart I am, why can’t TV do SOME real life stuff that matches real life. Jen hates to watch television with me because I’m always pointing out something that doesn’t make sense and “ruining it for her”. Yeah, well maybe the people making these shows are the ones ruining it for her.

Examples:

- It almost never rains in any television show. I know. I’m crazy. Who wants to watch a show where it’s raining?

- Kids rooms in shows drive me particularly nuts. Never anything on the floor. Clothes are always in the closet or put away. I never see a pile of paper, hair brushes, underwear (actual examples).

- Everyone picks up on the first ring, there is always cell coverage, and dropped calls never happen.

- People never get stuck in traffic or wait in lines.

- No one ever needs to hit the ATM, get gas, or go to the bathroom really.

Ok enough. I know why these things don’t happen in shows, and I know that this isn’t a 100% true, but fake like you mowed the lawn and were pissed when you ran out of gas halfway through the lawn like real life.

I’m weird.

2010-06-27T08:29:00.001-04:00

Here are some things that I’ve done or seen the last few days and wonder who else does them.

- The power was out for about an hour. I must have flipped light switches a hundred times. I also tried to turn on the TV and thought I’d check my e-mail. I just finished reading a book that involves the loss of electricity (amongst other things)….we better hope that we don’t lose power long term. I think we might be surprised how dependent we are.

One Second After

- I was hungry yesterday and not finding anything to eat I must have opened and closed the refrigerator about 5 or 6 times. Did I think that something different was somehow going to appear?

- I go walking every morning and I hate running into the other walkers / runners / dog walkers. I can never remember the proper greeting. There is one guy who never says hi back. I keep forgetting just to walk by him. There is the dog walking lady that always wants me to pet her dog. The Japanese couple who will only exchange nods. I have to bring a cheat sheet with me.

- I’ll throw Jen under the bus today too. If you have something in your cart that you no longer want what do you do? Take it back to where it belongs? or do what Jen does…put it on whatever shelf is nearby. I will walk the entire length of the store to take it back. I feel like if I put it on some random shelf someone is going to see me or catch me. I see things in the wrong place all the time in the store, so other people must do it too.

Ok. Enough of my goofiness today.

Interesting

2010-06-24T19:48:00.001-04:00

Here’s the link. I think you can click into it for more info. If you’re that geeky.

http://www.weathersealed.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/boys.jpg

Legos!!

2010-06-22T19:07:00.001-04:00

Fava beans and a nice chianti

2010-06-22T17:07:00.001-04:00

I was sitting here at my desk after getting off a work call and I started feeling weird…like something was wrong. It took me about 10 seconds to realize that it was the silence. It’s NEVER quiet in my house. The first thing people ask me about working from home is, “How do you manage with having everyone else around?” My answer is: The only time I notice there are people around is when they are gone. Good thing huh?

I decided to update this blog and the only idea I had was to sift through the pictures on my phone. I forget that I snap pictures for the purposes of writing about them later. Here are a couple.

To me this doesn’t evoke the word “Butter”. To me this comes out as BUTT R Cream. Like an ointment you would put on your butt. I didn’t say they were good pictures now did I?

What is this? There was no way I was going to be spotted (haha) holding this can reviewing the contents. I was embarrassed enough just taking the picture. I’m not even going to google it in case a medical journal plops a big old picture of the possible affliction. I don’t need that in my computer history either. Hard to explain.

This is just a cute one of Sam. He likes it when he finds someone shorter than him, even if it is a fake maître d'

Father’s day 2010

2010-06-19T08:51:00.001-04:00

You know what I’m really lousy with? Greeting cards. At some point today, when the mail gets to Orion, my Dad is going to realize this also. Ask my mom. I get all proud and excited when I can get a card to coincide with the event that it is for. I don’t know why this is. Sorry dad.

I AM lucky that I have established this blog over time now and it can convey my Father’s day message better than a card. First? Last years message still stands.

Father's Day 2009 post

As I walked my 5,000 steps this morning I was trying to think what I could write today, that my mom would read to Larry, and have it take the place of a well written, witty, or sappy Hallmark card. I figured it out…nothing. I’m lucky in so many ways, but one of the luckiest things is that I’ve had almost 44 years of being with my dad. We have played softball together, water skied together, fished, done crosswords, mowed the lawn, built Pinewood derby cars, the list goes on. There are plenty of people in the world that would give everything they had to have more time to spend with their dad. I’m lucky. I may not get to hang out with Larry today or tomorrow, but I WILL get to talk to him, wish him happy Father’s day, and tell him I love him. Thanks for being a great Dad. Sorry about the card. August 16th is right around the corner isn’t it?

Just funny

2010-06-16T17:56:00.001-04:00

Radio star? That’s nuthin’

2010-06-13T10:53:00.001-04:00

While I’m sitting around pondering the meaning of things this morning I’ll let you in on another of my profound philosophies.

It’s not their fault.

I was wandering around Best Buy on Friday and like most middle aged men I was enthralled with just about everything there was in that place. I also noticed that I had to pull Sam away from just about every display and model of phone, TV, MP3 player, video game console, heck even the fans. Yeah, this one.

After doing this for what seemed like the 500th time it occurred to me that a complaint I had about “today’s kids” wasn’t really that valid. I think we’ve screwed up. The reason why I played outside with my friends, flew kites, built forts and rode my bike all the time is that if I didn’t it was boring. I didn’t have 400 channels of cartoons, internet, and 3 different consoles of video games. Oh wait…we had video games here is what baseball looked like.

I don’t blame them. I would rather play a racing game on a 50” television screen wile the latest tunes blasted from the connected stereo. That sounds like fun and it would have kept me off my bike for hours. Seriously…here is what a driving game on your TV looks like now.

The Cub scouts have a “gaming badge” now. Maybe they should just teleconference the next campout, and everyone can pull up a screen with a camp fire on it and tell scary stories like “The time the power went off!!” and about “Old Crazy Dial up Joe”. Ok…I’m done. I’ll fix it and let you know how it works. Don’t hold your breath.

Shuffle off to Buffalo

2010-06-13T09:12:00.001-04:00

Yesterday I noticed something as I trudged through the local Home Goods store. I was doing the “husband shuffle”. I only really noticed I was doing it when I observed another poor soul engaged in it himself. Husbands, you know how it goes. You have absolutely zero interest in being in a store and yet there you are. Your feet start to simply slide along the linoleum like you are about 90 years old. Your hearing starts to suffer since there is absolutely no items to have a real conversation about. If you don’t notice those things here is the one thing you will understand. You know exactly where the exit door to this place is and every time you start to get close to it your symptoms start to fade. There are times in these stores when you get soooo close to the exit only to be thwarted by the “cute little salt and pepper shakers”. I am not posting this because I have an answer to it, but simply as a reminder that we are in a common struggle. Maybe some of my female readers will read this and take pity on one guy and it will all be worth it. Ladies…here is a list of stores that no husband should ever be made to shuffle through.

- Duh..Home Goods

- Michaels Fabric / Craft store

- Payless shoes or any shoe store for that matter

- Sephora

- Claires / Icing / Any accessory store

Good rule of thumb? If there are chairs in the store for the sole reason of allowing a stricken husband to sit while his significant other shops? This is not store he should be in.

My local hangout

2010-06-08T17:53:00.001-04:00

Seems I’m going to have to re-name this blog. “Everything I’ve learned, I’ve learned at the grocery store” or “101 Observations from aisle 10”? I either spend too much time at Publix or it’s the only time my mind is free of other encumbrances.

Today’s observations from aisle 10.

1. I saw the funniest cell phone disaster ever tonight. Lady comes out of Publix, fumbles for her phone…proceeds to drop it. This wasn’t all that funny until she kicked it. The topper? She kicked it into the parking lot and it got run over by a car. I had to leave the scene. I had no idea if I could contain my laughter. Last I saw she was just standing there. Staring at the parking lot.

2. The postal service is mean. I saw a perfectly good looking, middle aged, fit looking guy standing in the checkout lane. They made him wear this.

Sorry if it is hard to see

3. **DISCLAIMER – For single guys only. I do not condone or consider this for myself.** – The grocery store has got to be the perfect place to meet women. Let’s think about it.

ALL women have to eat. By choosing the grocery store you are not limiting your pool of candidates.

Don’t have to pay a cover charge for the grocery store.

You can tell by their cart some very telling clues. Pay special attention to the time they spend at the pharmacy.

If you REALLY hit it off with someone from the produce section you are only steps away from flowers and candy if you want to speed things up a bit.

There are no bouncers at the grocery store. If things get out of hand it takes a lot to get kicked out of the store. BONUS – Not likely to get a drink thrown in your face.

I seriously have not tired any of the above, but since I’m sure I have a vast following of single men, 18-49, I thought I would offer this public service message.

I WILL have a nice day thank you

2010-06-05T18:50:00.001-04:00

I figured I should write about a good customer service day since I complain a lot when I don’t like something. It started at my least favorite place…the cell phone company. Verizon has become so big that I think they are now offering oil changes at their stores. To get your cell phone switched you have to go to the “special” store, make it through the gauntlet of “special offers” from the sales people, and the get on the, you guessed it, “special list”. I happened to catch them looking the other way and escaped the first two steps, the first person I talked to put me on the list, and within 15 minutes they actually agreed with me and gave me a new phone. No signatures, no new contract. Nothing. I do suspect that they are setting me up for some future whammy. I’ll let you know. After that I was encouraged by my success and visited one of my actual favorite places, Publix. They didn’t happen to have the one thing I was looking for on the shelf and I did something I never do…I asked if there was any “in the back”. Here is how the “Is there any in the back?” question gets handled usually.

1. – Employee laughs out loud and says no.

2. – Employee realizes that this is a chance to take a 20 minute break and “goes to check”.

3. – Employee asks the manager who does one of the above for them.

4. – Employee goes into the mysterious “back” and comes back with something completely different that they have determined “might work”

I happened to ask a person who not only knew what I was looking for, but actually said “I think that truck came in yesterday, let me check”. She came back with the exact thing I asked for. I almost hugged her. I managed to hold back because I didn’t want to be the “crazy dish wash detergent guy” every time I went there. I hate to be a pessimist, but I believe in karma going both directions. Let’s see what happens tomorrow.

My new job

2010-06-02T22:17:00.001-04:00

I have found the perfect job for me. It occurred to me tonight as I strolled through the Barnes and Noble down the road. I want to be a book reader. That’s right. A book reader. I just want to read the books. I don’t want to discuss them, edit them, correct them or anything else. I know this seems like a relatively useless job, but I’ve seen other jobs that seem just as silly. Wal-Mart greeter for instance. I’m not sure what kind of secret corporate deal that was struck to make that a job, but more power to them. The next trick is to find the proper company to pay me. For such a unique job I feel like I should also be paid pretty well. I’ll get back to you.

A proper title ruins the ending…

2010-06-01T15:03:00.001-04:00

So the other day me and Sam were out and about and stopped at a local store to get a treat. While we were seated I noticed a young girl about 11 or 12 approach the clerk. She asked how much something was and counted her coins. She then asked how much the next smallest size was and got one of those disappointed looks on her face when she knew she didn’t have enough. The clerk suggested the smallest size that they had and the young girl smiled meekly and although disappointed, she said yes. I knew the clerk had underpriced the small version of her order so she could afford it and not walk away upset. By now you are thinking to yourself…”Hey Jon. Why not reach into your pocket and help a little kid out?” You want to know why? While I was watching this unfold with fascination I was thinking to myself, “Why is that little girl ordering a latte with an extra shot of espresso?” For those of you that instantly think that she was probably getting it for her mother or father, she proceeded to sit next to me and complain to her friend about the prices at Starbucks these days.

Band-Aids needed

2010-05-30T19:48:00.001-04:00

So for Sam’s 6th birthday the collective geniuses that = me and Jen decided to buy Rock Band for our Wii. This may eventually go down as one of the biggest mistakes ever. Interestingly PLAYING Rock Band is quite similar to being IN a Rock Band. Here’s why:

1. – All of the band members think they are better players than they really are.

2. – The latest gig ended up with the drummer freaking out and kicking the other members out of the band. (That was me)

3. – The guitarist / bass player is moody and can’t get along with the lead singer.

4. – Don’t even get me started on the manager…she is strung out on all sorts of medication.

Here are some promo shots of our band – Lorax

This photo is staged. No way would I look like that unless I was trying to look goofy.

Cart-ography

2010-05-30T11:36:00.001-04:00

Since the economy needs all the jobs it can get these days I won’t take my latest observation to the CEO’s of Target, Wal-MArt, or (insert favorite grocery store here). Why do we have an army of people dedicated to the collection, organizing and returning of shopping carts? I was at a large Wal-MArt the other day and there were carts everywhere. Up on curbs, piled high in the parking spaces…everywhere. This may be becoming an overused phrase in this blog, but I wonder why we don’t do things the way they do in Europe? Maybe there are places that do things differently in the states somewhere, but I’ve never seen it.

The concept is simple. All the carts require a coin to use and you get the coin back when you return the cart to the line of other carts. Here is a picture:

The only downfall I see to this here is that our coin of choice would probably be a quarter. In most places in Europe it was a Euro. (Dollar’ish) I think a lot of Americans would decide to leave the quarter behind for the laziness of not taking the cart back. I also think that a clever person would know this and make a pretty good chunk of change in a large parking lot chasing those lazy Americans quarters for them. I guess it would achieve the same goal. Some of the grocery stores even would give you a slug coin with their logo on it to carry around with you so you would always have “the coin” Just trying to help America.

Taking the plunge

2010-05-19T22:01:00.001-04:00

As mentioned, Sam wanted everyone to jump in the pool with their clothes on for his birthday. Why? Who knows. This kid is the product of some very goofy genetic code. We will likely be repeating this next year. Better to preserve a relatively tame tradition than to leave it open to his creative imagination to come up with something that might be more daunting. As promised, here is the video.

Will you still need me?, will you still feed me?...

2010-05-19T09:35:00.001-04:00

Today is Sam’s birthday. Grandma and Grandpa Carroll are here. The weather is great. I think Sam picked a perfect day to join us 6 years ago. This is also the 1 year anniversary of my dad finishing his chemotherapy. It’s already been “one of those weeks”, but as I type this I know that things are ok.

Stay tuned because one of Sam’s wishes for his birthday is that everyone is to jump in the pool with their clothes on. I’m not kidding. I think this is best served by video.

All aboard!!

2010-05-16T20:25:00.001-04:00

I only have myself to blame. “What does Sam want for Christmas?” they asked, all innocent and grandparenty. “He says he wants a train set” I replied ignorantly and without foresight. It even seemed ok Christmas morning when he excitedly opened the train set and rejoiced that someone was actually paying attention to him when he asked for a train.

So now here it is May and I’ve discovered that you can’t really have a train set without a proper place to set up the train. Grandma and Grandpa #2 (You know who you are) complicated matters by chipping in for some train “accessories” and lo and behold we are now about $4,159.23 into this hobby of mine. Yes…my hobby. Sam just wants to turn the dial and watch the train roll around for 5 minutes and then it’s on to the next thing. I’m about 80 man hours into building Sam a table to run OUR train on and I thought I would share this adventure with you. Here is some early construction photos.

Okay, so they are both the same picture really. You get the point. Stay tuned. I’ll let you know how the lake turns out. Yes. Lake.

Joke

2010-05-15T22:39:00.001-04:00

Why was the dyslexic kicked out of the bar?

He was spitting in the TIPS jar

Ahhh. I get him now.

2010-05-15T22:34:00.001-04:00

I should have posted this before my last post…it would explain things.

A litter bit of this, a litter bit of that…

2010-05-15T22:14:00.001-04:00

Ok only two things to post tonight. Late night idiotic things that probably only occur to me.

#1 – I’ve always had this fascination with the “no littering” sign. Here’s my stupid logic. One does not litter, one throws their shit on the ground, at which point it becomes litter. Where the heck did the word litter come from anyhow? I like my straightforward approach better. “Don’t throw your shit on the ground!” They probably use the word litter because they pay by the letter.

#2 – We walked by a place tonight called “The Pretzel Twister”. I remarked that is really should be called “The Dough Twister”. Why would someone twist a pretzel? It’s already twisted. See? I told you my mind is kind of whacked. I didn’t catch Jen rolling her eyes at this observation, but I’m sure it happened.

That’s really it for now. Just be happy I posted something two days in a row. I was inspired that I received a renewal notice for “Welovelarry.com” and figured I’d better step it back up. I’ll keep trying. It’s not as easy as you think to observe. Larry is visiting next week. I think I’ll ask him for some ideas.

Heat miser is coming to town

2010-05-14T13:41:00.001-04:00

It’s getting to be that time of year here in Florida. Bizarro time. Most of the country waits until summer to have fairs, beach days, vacations to the theme parks, but in Florida we treat it like the rest of the country’s winter. Everyone waves goodbye to each other for the summer and disappears into the air conditioning. When fall rolls around we all gather back out in front of our houses and talk about what a hard summer it was. We don’t trade stories of shoveling snow or skidding our cars into ditches. We talk about when little Timmy thought it would be funny to pull the thermostat off the wall and we had to wait 4 hours before the air conditioning man could make it. We almost lost poor ma. We tell the funny story of how dad still has steering wheel marks on his hands from the third degree burns he received when he forgot to check how hot it was inside the car. Oh sure we sometimes run into each other at the super market, but instead of parkas and snow boots we walk quickly across the parking lot to avoid having our shoes melt, or picking up a quick forming melanoma. Well it’s been nice getting back to writing here, but I have to go throw some freon in the old AC. Don’t want to get caught in the scorcher of ‘10 without some planning ahead.

I don’t like spiders and snakes

2010-05-02T09:57:00.001-04:00

I’m scared of snakes, mice, frogs, all slimy things and probably some things I don’t even remember. The kids think this is funny and so does Jen. Why do I have to be cool with everything? Why can’t a guy or a dad be freaked out by the occasional rodent or amphibian? Here are some events that have really helped cement these fears.

- Opening the pool skimmer and finding a snake, or in Rhode Island I would find a dead mouse about once a week. It gave me the creeps to simply scoop them out of the pool with the 20 foot pole.

- Picking up the toy snake off of my tool bench only to find out that it was the real thing. I didn’t go near the tool bench for a week. I still give it a good look before I reach for anything.

- The other day when I was checking the pool equipment I stepped on a frog. There’s nothing like the squish of raw frog between your toes to signify that summer is just around the corner.

- I used to run over garter snakes when mowing my parent’s lawn in Orion. The Lawn Boy spitting snake parts across the lawn will also give you lifetime heebie jeebies.

There. I wrote it. The next person who tries to hand me a cute lizard is going to get smacked…once they put it down.

Hell’s bells

2010-05-02T09:43:00.001-04:00

I was riding my bike this week to get my daily average above 2/10ths of a mile per day, when I encountered an interesting cultural clash. Being the polite and informed bike rider that I am, I gave a friendly and safety minded “ching ching” bell ring to a couple that was walking ahead of me on the sidewalk. In Europe I found that this was meant with complete indifference, a friendly wave, or even a “here’s some more room” maneuver by the warned party. In Land O Lakes, apparently, the sound of a bicycle bell means “Look out I’m going to kill you by running over you with my bike” because that is the reaction that the lady closest to my bike at the time, had. She must have jumped 20 feet and likely peed her pants. I didn’t stick around long enough to find out, I just gave them a wave and yelled, “Sorry!”. Curiously this reminded me of a similar issue the last time I gave another walker a bell warning on the same stretch of sidewalk. Basically the same circumstances, but I could only make out a curse word or two after I zinged by. It didn’t occur to me at the time that I was the recipient of the curse words. If these people think it’s an affront or a scare tactic to have a bike bell aimed in their direction, just imagine their surprise when they get a load of the air horn I just bought. If they are going be all freaky about getting warned off I’m gonna have a little fun with them.

Ladies and gentlemen….THE DOORS!!!

2010-04-21T07:44:00.001-04:00

I’m not sure if you are up to speed on the latest news, but a major disaster has been avoided in New York this morning. Sit down first…I don’t want anyone to get hurt when they read this. The DOORMAN strike has been narrowly averted! I know what you’re thinking. How would all of those rich, snobby people been able to get through a door if this had happened? Can you imagine the backup onto the streets as the first guy in line sat and stared at the door expecting it to open? Seriously…there are still doormen? I know I see them from time to time when staying at a large hotel, but apparently this is an actual thing. Here is a link to the article. Doormen strike averted It might be because I grew up in rural, Midwestern America, but I can’t imagine the need for doormen. We opened our own doors. The article mentions that they take out trash, keep the lobby clean, screen the visitors, blah, blah. Here at the Carroll manse I take out the trash, keep the lobby clean and the only screening done on the visitors is, ironically, the door itself. I’m adding another job to the list of “What to look for in case of losing my current job”.

That is all I really want to be-e-e!

2010-04-18T10:52:00.001-04:00

As usual I’m writing here because I have a beef about something. It’s also a little amusing that I have a beef about, well, beef. Well, kind of. Hot dogs. Yesterday I went over to the recreation center across the street with Sam. We thought that we would take in a little league game, grab some ball park food, and otherwise just hang out together. You can basically get Sam to do or go anywhere with the promise of one of three things. Hot dogs, playgrounds, or “I’ll buy you something”. Ever since Norway me and Sam have had a connection based on the All American staple, the hot dog. I know that sounds contradictory, but since food was so expensive in Scandinavia they have many opportunities at hot dogs or various sausage concoctions. (Just don’t use the “ketchup”) Back to my issue. Next time you buy a hot dog try to run this one by them.

Cost of package of 10 hot dogs = approx. $1.99 – 20 cents per dog.

Cost of package of 10 buns = approx $1.29 – 13 cents per dog.

Cooking, prepping, blah, blah, blah…15 cents per dog?

Less than 50 cents to put a hot dog in my grubby little hands. How much do they charge for these hot dogs? sometimes up to $2.50. Let’s just say you sell 100 hot dogs in a day and you charge $2.00 over the cost of the hot dog per frank. Boom! $200.00 profit!

When Jen reads this she will know that it is all a ploy to revisit my idea of owning a hot dog cart, which is exactly what it is. This is, sadly, my aspiration in life. Selling hot dogs. Sigh.

No soup for you!

2010-04-16T17:20:00.001-04:00

It’s a rare opportunity that I get to respond to my readers queries, as they are many, and I don’t want everyone to get the impression that I have time to respond to all the questions that I receive. Sometimes, however, there is a compelling list of questions that I’m sure is on everyone’s mind. To this end I am responding to a list of questions posed to me from one of my Moline, Illinois readers.

Mr. Inquisitive writes,

1) What book were you reading? - My book - click here

2) What height and weight stats are on your DL ? – 5 feet 8 inches, 170 lbs. Just like is in the press guide every season.

3) How much was the total bill ? – That’s a funny one because I’ve had places give me free stuff when they screw up that was worth more than this meal. Why not give me a free meal when I screw up? - $16.47

4) Did you leave a tip ? – I left her the $5.00 that I DID have with me. I’ll bet that waitress wishes more people forgot their credit cards or cash to get 30% tips.

5) Did your consider making a run for it ? The old "dine and dash". Not only did I consider it, but I made a couple of dry runs. The first one was the old, “Maybe I left it in my car?” – I think the manager was watching me and writing down my license plate.

6) What exactly did Jen say on the phone ? – The same thing I tell her on most phone calls. “I’ve screwed this up. How do I fix it?”

7) Did you get a toy with your meal ? Closest thing to a toy was the free peanuts.

8) Did the option of doing dishes ever enter the conversation or is that a myth ? I put that idea to bed in the initial conversation. I don’t do dishes at my house and I’m not doing them for strangers.

9) Are you on any kind of medication that may have contributed to your situation ? – None of the 14 prescriptions I’m on now are purported to have any kind of negative interactions, but I forgot to add that for some reason it took me 3 hours to get home. That was also a bit unusual.

10)Is your picture now on the back side of the register with a "No Service" sticker ? – Just this

Guess who’s paying for dinner?

2010-04-15T22:57:00.001-04:00

Get a load of this one…

I had an opportunity to sit and have a quiet meal alone this evening. The circumstances aren’t important but I found myself at a restaurant all by myself, with a couple hours to kill AND a book to read while I was there. This is essentially…a vacation. I order my food, do some reading, eat slowly, do a little more reading. The place wasn’t very crowded, so they weren’t pushing me out the door. I got to do everything on my terms. I ordered what I wanted. I didn’t have to referee the kids, everything was great…until. I soon realized I didn’t have my billfold (wallet for you Midwesterners). I had my drivers license, my health insurance card and $5.00. I decided that I was probably ok. The $5.00 could go to the waitress and my health insurance card would come in handy when they took me out back and taught me a lesson about trying to beat the check. The drivers license would be good for identification if they went too far. I assumed that stuff like this happened on occasion and wouldn’t be that big of a deal. I was embarrassed, but I was confident they could do something. Turns out that they weren’t that accommodating. It took two managers and 3 visits from my server to come up with a plan. Surrender my drivers license and go get some money. I was to make sure I got back before closing because they needed that money to close. Eventually Jen got on the phone and did some “I am a restaurant manager” talk on them and they worked out a deal. Two reasons not to go back. One – I’ll always be “that guy”. They’ll point at me and tell the story, whispering to each other, at least in my mind. Two – Any place that can’t figure out how to get out of that situation without causing a big deal probably doesn’t deserve my money…or the money I left at home even.

Missing in action…

2010-04-15T16:25:00.001-04:00

I disappear for weeks and no one even bothers to send a cruiser by the house to check on me? I’m tempted to make up a big old tale of woe, something along the lines of being stuck in a Florida swamp or something, but…it’s been done. I’m battling a bad case of boringitis. My family is interesting enough, but more along the lines of a “Hey Grandma, you’ll never guess what Sam did today” There are plenty of you out there that would be as impressed with a blank space than that.

Larry update – doctors visits have gone ok, nothing to report. I’ve talked to him quite a bit and he seems to be keeping busy. There is some babble about wallpaper and bathrooms and such. This is why I don’t type those things. Cardinal baseball is back. His favorite team is doing well. Jen has had zero additional heart attacks. Dullsville.

I just wanted to check in. Say hi and tell you I’m ok. Not that any of you noticed. : )

Sunday, Monday…

2010-04-05T08:23:00.001-04:00

Every once in a while a day comes along with none of the usual lists or chores, strife or trouble. The problem with these days is that, by their nature, they are unscheduled surprises. You can’t save your money for them or wake up early for them, you just have to recognize that you are having one and go for the ride. One of those days just happened to catch us at the right time yesterday. The majority of us have been sick or struggling over the past month with various things, but yesterday will help get us through until our turn comes again. Now that I’ve built this up into some kind of big deal and made it into a corny thing, I don’t have a lot of evidence to show you that it is as I say. We spent the day with each other, without TV or computers (for the most part). We swam in the pool, went for a walk, ate lunch together on the lanai and generally had fun. The weather cooperated, nothing was broken, and I think we only got in the car once yesterday, and that was to get some ice cream to help wrap the whole thing up. Hope everyone else has had a turn recently, and here is the only evidence of yesterday.

Hippity, Hoppity

2010-04-03T10:36:00.001-04:00

A couple of “Won’t Grandma and Grandpa like to see these pictures?” pictures. The first set is from Sam’s school where they had the 423rd annual Spring hat parade. Ironically Sam had chosen to have plastic slinkies on his hat and everyone thought he was just the cleverest kid because he made a “Spring” hat. Get it? SPRING? – look at the slinkies mom, it will come to you in a minute. Anyhow…here are some Easter related photos.

Easter egg hunt in the common area of our subdivision. One of the local churches sponsored an Easter egg hunt for the kids. Sam found the money egg and raked in a cool $5.00. Now we are off to another 20 egg hunts so we can find more cash. (just kidding)

Not a Renaissance man

2010-04-02T09:28:00.001-04:00

So it’s not like I have been doing absolutely nothing while I’ve been sick, but writing about it here has obviously been a challenge. I have cleared the desk of Kleenex, downed a bottle of Claritin, and I’m good to go. Here is a note from last weekends jaunt to the Renaissance festival here in Tampa.

So for the last month or probably more all I have been hearing about from Sara is “Can we go to the “Ren fest” At first I thought it was some sort of bird watching club and once I actually went I found that it IS basically a bird watching club. If the bird in question is the cuckoo bird. If you aren’t exactly sure what a Renaissance festival is, then here it is in a nutshell. A Renaissance festival is a big group of people playing dress up games and pretending that they live in the time of King Arthur. There are 3 levels of Ren festers, the first is the curious observer. This is the category me and Sam fell into while visiting. We were there just to partake in the Turkey leg eating and to see some fake sword fights. Second is the “Just goofing around” people. These people dress up in costume, have fun with it and go home to their normal lives. The last group is the more troublesome collection. This group is the “I’m batshit crazy and likely on leave from a mental institution” These people have full regalia costumes, talk like they are from the era and likely also live this way at home. They refer to themselves as knaves, and wenches and I’m glad I didn’t send my Norwegian friends to this event last year. Luckily it started to rain after a couple of hours of wandering in this weird world and I was able to convince Sara and her friend that we had to leave. Some photos for your perusal.

Sick leave

2010-03-28T08:47:00.001-04:00

Sorry for the disappearance. I’ve been sick. I’m seriously debating the merits of a medically induced coma. Two weeks vacation and wake me up when the allergy index is below 100.

2010 Airfest

2010-03-21T10:14:00.001-04:00

Sam and I had the BEST day yesterday with one exception (scroll down to the next entry for details). We attended the MacDill 2010 Airfest and spent the entire day together wandering around the tarmac checking out airplanes, eating junk food, and staring into the sky. Reading about it this morning in the paper it seems that there were approximately 100,000 people there with us, but it was so huge there wasn’t that crush of people usually associated with other 100K events. It was basically a 6 years olds dream. We rode the bus there, climbed in and out of planes of all shapes and sizes, saw men in uniform with weapons and had hot dogs for lunch. What’s not to love? Oh, did I mention the Blue Angels were there? About ten minutes into the Blue Angels show Sam observed that having them fly overhead was simply making the other lines really short, so we missed some of the Blue Angels appearance. This event is best described in pictures. Here ya go.

Cut me Mick!

2010-03-21T09:59:00.001-04:00

Yes, we are going to revisit line-cutting. It takes a certain something to decide that the rules don’t apply to you and not only don’t they apply, but you are going to break said rules in front of the peons just to show them who’s boss. Sam and I attended the 2010 Airfest at the MacDill Airforce base here in Tampa which is where we witnessed this despicable act. More on the Airshow, which by the way this blog is formatted, you have likely already read.

I won’t get into the details of the act of line cutting but let me expose the techniques that you might see, and secondly I’ll tell you that the actual line that was cut…was an hour long. The length of the line is key in many ways.

Caveat #1 before the list – The longer the line, the more desperate people are to not stand in it, This is human nature, but it does not change the basic facts. Also, the longer the line, the more determined people are to defend it against line cutters. Here are some things to look out for.

- “Confused look” or “Special needs” approach – People think that if they act completely ignorant that there is even a line that they might get away with cutting it. This also sets up the “What? There’s a line? Really?” defense. This way you can semi-gracefully move on to the next vulnerable part of the line and try again without being physically accosted. I witnessed this one yesterday by a group of 4 people that thought if they just spun around endlessly looking like they didn’t even know how to find the end of the line people would just let them in. Since this line was over an hour long this is not a good approach.

- “The saunter” – This move can really only be pulled off by a single person since a large group would get caught every time. This one involves a person who lingers on the outside of a line, spots a weak spot in the line where people aren’t paying attention and then the person will just gently sidle up into the spot and hope that people just think to themselves, “Was that guy always there?” and think, “Aww well I guess it’s only one guy”.

- “Brute force” or “Invasion” – This move can be pulled off by a group of 5 or more people who are best served by being drunk and overweight. In this move this large group just walks up like they own the place in a loud and obnoxious way (preferably near a family with small kids) and just gets in line. People will confront a person or two, but big, fat drunk people can be a tough group. Your only hope here is to whip your fellow line mates into a frenzy and create an even larger force for good. This also might peak the interest of any security people and get them into the fray.

- “Hey buddy!” – This one involves finding a friend or neighbor already in the line and standing there talking to them long enough that people forget you weren’t actually in the line to begin with. This is the most frustrating approach since you have to wait it out to see if they will leave and likely involves children.

There are many other techniques to skip a line, but since this is a topic I address about once a year I’ll save the following for later. Here are future cheats to look out for: The “I work here” or “I know xxx”, Pregnant wife, 99 year old parent, kid in a wheelchair maneuver, and last but not least, “Fake badge”.

Randomness

2010-03-17T19:03:00.001-04:00

- The rules about stopping / driving near school buses frighten me.

- I’m also pretty terrified about driving the wrong way on a one way street…besides the obvious reason, I’m not sure why.

- Even though I THINK I’m a pretty good singer I really don’t want to Karaoke.

- I think I’m turning into an old man. I pulled weeds today and enjoyed it. I considered, for a minute, that I wanted to keep doing it.

- I consider myself an intelligent person and work on some pretty high level stuff. How come I can’t figure out my health care insurance plan?

- Why do the managers in baseball wear uniforms? Some of them look pretty silly.

- I can’t fathom that the guy making the U-turn has any right of way at all. Judging by the number of gestures I get at the entrance to the subdivision, I am wrong.

Hey boo boo!

2010-03-15T17:08:00.001-04:00

Almost forgot to post something today…

In keeping with our adventure seeking spirit we trekked to another event listed in the same list that gave us the underwhelming Strawberry Festival. This time, however, we had some better luck. I think it was probably the weather that made this event more fun, but who cares why, we had a good time. Some mysterious group, (mysterious = I didn’t bother to find out) was sponsoring a “Picnic in the park” at the University of Tampa on Sunday. I was skeptical because anything named “Picnic in the Park” at the University I attended would involve a lot of things I don’t think I would be bringing my children along for…but off we went. 75 and sunny we found a parking place that didn’t mean trading a can of Miller Lite and a lap dance for, good start. We entered the park and immediately spied FREE ice cream. Now this is where the Strawberry Festival could have learned a thing or two. FREE? To test their ice creamy good will I sent Sam in for seconds. They didn’t even bat an eye. FREE! We sat in the sun, watched some strolling barbershop quartetters and some ladies in period costume. At the picnic in the park “period costume” was parasols and Victorian dresses, not sweat pants and a purse full of Midol. The kids wandered around, took in the nice weather, and generally had a good time. I spent zero money, had some “Blue Bunny” ice cream (this is why it was free…shameless plugs on a world renowned blog) and spent some time with the family that didn’t require a vaccination after the event. Here are some of the quality cell phone pictures I took.

Dirty Harry meets Rainman…

2010-03-14T09:20:00.001-04:00

Whoopie!

2010-03-13T08:52:00.001-05:00

My friends at work, or more precisely, my boss Lori sent me a birthday treat. There is about 15,000 calories in this thing and there is no way my family will be able to eat this thing…nor should they.

This cake is made by some crazy lady in Maine. First a picture of her. These cakes do not do my gift justice.

Next….look at this thing. Stop by for cake anyone!

Yes….ALL of that white creamy stuff is frosting. Look away!!

Plungers and ties and hats, Oh my!

2010-03-13T08:09:00.001-05:00

I know that playing with my kids is what I’m supposed to do, but I also know that playing with them always ends up in some kind of weirdness. They keep going and going until….this.

Rainy days and Fridays

2010-03-12T08:09:00.001-05:00

I’ve been reminded that I kind of promised to post, like, every day, so here ya go.

Jen is doing better. Her heart “issue” and “tissue” is 50% regenerated. She’s a bit disappointed not to hear that she is 100% back to normal. I think the rest of us would be surprised to hear that she was ever 100% normal. Keep thinking good luck thoughts and hopefully she can put this behind her soon.

Dad seems to be doing fine back in Orion. There is some rumblings of shoulder pain and a cold, but heck, those almost sound like normal issues.

I wrote this whole long thing about it being rainy and not liking the rain today, but it kept getting goofier and goofier as I typed. In general I find rain the more annoying of the weather conditions.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I like the idea of being congratulated on my arrival. I think this is one of the few “holidays” that makes sense to me.

In preparation for the celebration of my birthday I am going to the library. Rumor has it that I may be receiving the gift of reading time tomorrow. Good thing I read fast. Wish me luck.