“I like you Betty”

Today I have completed the translating and deciphering of what I like to call “The wave”. Runners and bike riders are likely best familiar with the wave. It’s that brief social period when you cross paths with another bike rider or runner. Each of you feel somewhat compelled to recognize the fact that you are existing in close proximity to one another…some people feel compelled NOT to recognize this interaction which has it’s own meaning. After years of these encounters and studying them in most of my spare time I have reduced them to only a few meanings. I’ve included pictures so agoraphobic people can know what I’m talking about also.

Let’s get the most disconcerting one out of the way. The “No reaction whatsoever”

This is the most awkward interaction there is. Likely you have tried to read the scenario and have prepared what you think is the best greeting for the occasion. I like to go with the simple finger flex. Since I’m riding my bike I can simply extend my fingers off of the handle into a half hearted “I see you, but I don’t know you” acknowledgement. If you get snubbed with the “NRW” it’s best to curse them under your breath and not turn and insist on a better greeting. I’ve learned this one first hand. This is why I can only offer the finger flex with my right hand.

I’ve determined that the reason people use this approach is three possibilities. One – They feel that they are athletically superior to you by comparing shoes or attire and cannot be bothered to interrupt their quest for Olympic fame to offer you the increased wind resistance of a wave. Two – They were contemplating their greeting and missed the window of opportunity. Sometimes you can catch them responding well after the fact in some sort of weird Doppler reaction. Three – They don’t give a shit.

The next greeting is probably worse than receiving nothing at all. The “Overzealous”.

I’ve only determined two possible reasons for the “OZ”.  They are politicians or I seemed so compelling as I approached them that they chose the “OZ” in hopes that I will stop and became their friend. I’ve never stopped after receiving the “OZ” because I don’t want Rick Scott to get his hopes up that I’ll vote for him and anyone who needs friends bad enough to flag them down on the street is not someone I want to be friends with. Here is an example of the “OZ”

Here’s a version of my greeting.

The third greeting is the hardest of all. The “audible”. Football fans might recognize the term, but it has a completely different meaning here. The problem with the audible is that you have to have the proper response. Too often I’ve responded to “Watch out asshole” with a “Good morning”. This is another point at which you cannot turn around and undo your mistake. These are the ones I take note of and hope that I see them again. The problem with this is that I don’t have a very good memory for faces and have insulted more people in cases of mistaken identity. It has gotten to the point that I have to change my route about every 3 months as this is about how long it takes to form a posse.

The last greeting that I will recognize is the combo wave and audible. This is an extreme case of over zealousness and can only mean one thing. These people are cruising the roads for anonymous sex partners. Once again these are also likely to be politicians and you should never stop.