The other day I was walking into Target just as some guy was walking out and I turned to look as he set off the “I’m stealing your stuff” alarm. I thought it was funny that I turned to look because no one else did. The Target employees and the guy himself just kept doing what they were doing…nothing. I think we might have developed the wrong approach to these alarms. They are now like car alarms. What’s the first thing you think of when you hear a car alarm go off? “Oh my god someone is getting their car stolen!!”? No. More likely you think, “Ugh…can’t someone shut off that damn thing?” I think the best way to steal a car would be to go ahead and set off the alarm, point your hand at the car and press on an imaginary button about 50 times and then just go ahead and steal the damn thing. No one is even going to think twice about it. I also think that Target and other stores either need to remove those alarms from their doors or respond to them. What if when the alarm went off at Target an entire group of Ninja looking characters swooped in and tackled the offending person? The rule should be, if you set off the alarm you have to quickly lie down on the floor and not move. It sure would make it more interesting when that stupid alarm went off. At least it would make it more entertaining for me.
As threatened here are some pictures from Christmas at the Carroll’s
Opening a handmade gift from Jen. A super cool camping setup made of felt and such.
Some funky headbandy thing that Sara wanted.
Sam and his train from Grandma Wilma and Grandpa Larry. He was as excited as he looks.
We set it up in the garage temporarily and he wanders out there 20 times a day…
Greetings everyone from the frozen tundra of Tampa, FL. It has got to be at least 45 here this morning. I had to break out the clothes I wore in Norway to traverse the path to the car. Ok. I’m not fooling anyone huh? It is cold here, but we aren’t exactly holding our icy breath for a white Christmas.
I wanted to take a minute and tell everyone who checks in here hello, and wish you all Happy Holidays. I’ll probably be relatively shut down until the new year, but who knows? I took a look back at the Christmas time posts from WLL this time last year and I realize, even more than usual, how much I have to be happy about and thankful for. It’s been one heck of a year. I’ll offer the cliché “Next year will be better” and I think I’ll just believe that instead of looking for reasons why it might not be. Happy Holidays and thanks for your help, good wishes, prayers, friendship, and everything else in 2009.
Check back in for pictures and such, but my witty commentary might be minimal.
If you have been reading here long enough you might get the idea that I have an extensive list of pet peeves and things that annoy me. You might be right. I’ve been harassing Jen and Sara for quite some time now about yet another one of them. It’s not as funny as this exchange:
Person #1: “Can I ask you a question?”
Person #2: “I think you just did”
It IS, however, along those lines. Here is the line that gets me every time. “Can you do me a favor?” How can you possibly answer that question without at least having some vague idea of what the favor is? What if the favor is something like…Immerse yourself in chocolate syrup or Go beat up the neighbor? I cannot commit to any favor that might get me in trouble or danger or syrup. The problem about “Can you do me a favor?” is also that you can’t say “Well…that depends on the favor” without looking like a jerk. I think the idea is that you should assume that someone who is asking you a favor won’t hold you to a favor that puts you blindfolded and naked in the middle of the highway. I guess I’ll just keep answering this in the jerky fashion because I just know my family is waiting for me to answer “Yeah sure!” and then pay me back for years of “I don’t know. You watch.
Lately everything I do seems to have a bit of drama built in. Only I can turn an ordinary dentist visit into a “thing”. It was just a simple cavity. I’ll spare you the details but suffice it to say, when one side of your face starts to burn and pain shoots into your eye, things aren’t going well. Just prior to this happening I heard the dentist say, “Whoa…Ummm..” and then for about 30 seconds I was blind in my right eye. I really don’t have the details of what happened, but what probably was about a $200.00 procedure and visit suddenly was free. I have an appointment with the eye doctor tonight. I wonder if he will make some of my teeth fall out?
Ok…forgive me if this is even more rambling than usual, but I just had a run in with “the law”. The reason it’s in quotes is that he wasn’t really doing any LAW related work when we ran into each other. We live in a “gated community” and the reason that this is is quotes is because half the time the gate isn’t working and it takes an act of congress to get your phone number changed in the magic box. Well tonight I decided that since I left my remote control to the gate in the house I would follow the next person in. This just happened to be a police car. It crossed my mind that it might be a sketchy maneuver and apparently he thought so too. I reasoned that I did actually live there and that I wasn’t breaking any actual laws. He pretty much called me stupid, or actually he did call me stupid and proceeded to read me the riot act. I was actually cool with that because I knew how it was going to end. The part I didn’t really like is that he wouldn’t let me speak. So I gave up. After a few minutes of getting yelled at and a fake license check he calmed down, shook my hand and went home. I got enough words out to tell him I didn’t mind him stopping and checking my address, but I didn’t get out the part where I think he went a little overboard. Probably better that way.
Add to the list of “Things Jon thought he had all figured out, but alas, does not”, sick kids. Sam is sick. He’s just your usual sick, nothing to be worried about, but it does involve taking medicine, and that’s the part I thought I had figured out. This isn’t unusual, because I have solved this problem many times. The first time we had to give the kid medicine we would put it in a dropper, wave a bunny in the air and then shoot 60 cc’s of motriprofin into his cheek. No problem. It didn’t take him long to catch on to this and as soon as the blue bunny made an appearance he would curl up into a ball and stuff his fist in his mouth. We were then able to get away with the “look Daddy will drink it first” method. This lasted about 2 illnesses and now I can’t even get near that stuff or I get sick. Finally I thought I had stumbled upon the miracle of all medicine taking miracles. NERDS. This is candy that is sour and disgusting to adults, but to kids it is basically a spoonful of sugar. Get it? Don’t make me hum the song. Pop whatever medicine we were taking into his mouth, follow with spoon of NERDS and whammo. Smiles and fever free Sam. Until last night. Suddenly NERDS tasted disgusting and there was no bringing back any bunnies. I’m not sure who came up with the idea, Lunesta impaired Mom or empathy deficient Dad, but we are now chasing medicine with chocolate chips. Two chips per half table and the world is a happy place. I’ll let you know what the next iteration is. Who knows? Maybe there is a book deal here. “What to expect when you’re expectorating”
I’m in a bit of a quandary. The Publix deli that we get our cold cuts from has this thing they do that makes me uncomfortable. Whenever you ask them for X amount of cheese or meat they go back to their super slicers and then present you with a slice. They always want to know if it’s ok. Too thick? Too thin? The problem is I don’t really want that free slice they offer. I’m not having lunch there at the deli counter and it seems kinda weird to be chomping a partial sandwich right there in the middle of the store. You’re probably thinking what’s the big deal? Just refuse the slice. Well that’s where they get weird. The last time I said I didn’t want the free slice the guy got all offended. He asked me like 5 times, “Are you sure?" The I think he went back and whispered something to the other shower cap wearing gang, because they were all looking at me. I’m just going to have to buy the pre-packaged stuff. Now the deli people make me nervous and they have knives.
A man with a winking problem applies for a position as a traveling salesman and goes in for an interview.
“Looking at your résumé, I can see that you’re more than qualified,” says the interviewer. “Unfortunately, we can’t have our sales reps constantly winking at customers, so we can’t hire you.”
“But wait,” says the man. “If I take two aspirin, I stop winking.”
“Then show me,” replies the interviewer.
So the guy reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a pile of condoms in all different shapes, sizes, and colors before finally finding a packet of aspirin. He pops the pills and immediately stops winking.
“It’s great you stopped winking,” says the interviewer, “but we can’t have our salesmen womanizing all over the country.”
“What do you mean?” asks the man. “I’m happily married.”
“How do you explain all the condoms?” asks the interviewer.
“Oh, that,” sighs the man. “Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?”
Well…here it is. The one year anniversary of this blog.
What started as a platform for getting the word out on my dad’s health and status, turned into the Carroll version of the Northern Europe Rand McNally, and is now basically a place for me to goof on the less fortunate. I hope everyone has gotten use out of one of the many versions of this blog, and I’m glad that the health status of my dad didn’t take up the entire year.
You might be interested to know that “We Love Larry” has been visited by approx. 1,000 unique people from over 56 countries on every continent but Antarctica. Hey dad…..better find someone you know in Antarctica. I only really tell you this as an aside since the only real ideal of the blog is the one it had from the beginning. A place to check in on and cheer on my dad. The rest of it is just space filler.
Love you dad.
Things that are bugging me lately…
1. Big Macs are getting noticeably smaller. This is probably a good thing.
2. Bluetooth stuff SEEMS like a good idea, but it is extremely annoying.
3. Why won’t the Publix guy say anything when I say goodbye or thanks? This guy is one more blank stare away from getting a complaint filed.
4. Why can’t I just get on the treadmill everyday. It’s just in the other room. I have time. WTH?
5. Seriously? People are surprised about Tiger Woods? I want to hear a story about a poor slob with no prospects or hygiene pull that off. Now THATS news. (Stolen from ShaneCal)
6. Pretty soon I will have found my entire history of acquaintances on Facebook. I don’t want to know where everyone is.
Hey guess what? I’m two days away from the WLL 1st anniversary.
Maybe I’ll get some of those bracelets made, like LIVESTRONG? I doubt there are any colors left since the whole world got on that bandwagon.
(10 minute elapse)
Apparently you can customer order those things. For fun I put together a half red, half black one with WLL on it. Only $1.50 a piece. I could sell 50 of these and break even. Considering the hundreds of readers on this blog this is entirely feasible. Too bad those silicone wristband things are pretty much passé.
Gotta go…I have to find a better WLL 1 year anniversary plan.
I was putting a book back on the shelf the other day and I got to thinking about something. Before I start to type what appears to be really weird stuff and you start thinking I’m crazy, the book was about time travel of a sort. For some reason I was giving this more brain power than is really necessary and I decided that even if I could go back in time I would just look like as big a dummy as I do in my own time. Keep up with me here. If you were to travel back, call it 100 years, what super knowledge of the future would you have that would make you rich or famous? Besides betting on the World Series or maybe making some stock investments what else could you do? Could you invent the computer earlier than it was already invented? How about the TV? There’s no way I could explain TV or help someone built it or tell them anything other than a story about it. 100 years ago cars would have been around, but even if I went back far enough to get cars invented I would have been the dumbest guy in the garage. I can see it now. I would have been locked up in some sort of institution. “There he is, that’s the guy who thinks we can send men to the moon” I think there might already be time travelers in our midst, but they are just too dumb to speak up for fear that they would look like idiots. Note to self…when time travel is invented…send back the smart people.
Oh, by the way. The book was Replay by Ken Grimwood
Mom and Dad have safely returned to Orion and sub-60 degree weather. I already miss them and can’t wait to get together again. Sam still has his banana aversion and is still singing the new song that he and Larry arranged. This song goes something like this: “Christmas dog saved the day! Christmas dog saved the day! (repeat 50 times) Bow wow wow, bow wow wow!!! Sorry. It had to be noted for posterity. Especially if a similar song makes the top 40. Residuals you see. We are all looking forward to Christmas and counting down the days while we twiddle our thumbs waiting until the very last second and wondering why half our budget is spent on postage. Here are some additional random photos from “the visit” and holiday preparations.
This one edited to retain maximum Christmas surprise.
Today I participated in a necessary ritual that has its roots in medieval times, the kindergarten, flash mob, sheep fest birthday party. I don’t really know when this started but it seems that the party du jour for kids consists of the following:
1. Invite as many children that you possibly can to aforementioned event.
2. Take the number as obtained above and then add 10%.
3. Find a space that only accommodates the above number –15%.
4. Supply some form of entertainment along with appropriate waivers.
5. Sit back and watch the fun.
Me and Sam went to “Bounce-U”, and indoor version of all of those blow up jump around thingys you see advertised or used in county fairs around the country. Kids love them, and much energy is expended, but attending these events is such an awkward social exercise the the parents. I guess it’s just one of those things you do for your kids, but sheesh…consider the following.
- I enjoyed talking to the mother of the girl who bit Sam on Friday, but she never mentioned it until I bit her back….not her back, but in return. You get the idea.
- The hostess of the “party” was one of the women who never says hi to me. We are now fast friends. Ok, well…we speak now. Cross that off the bucket list.
- The husband of the hostess, not to be referred to as the host since he really didn’t do anything, bumped into me and I thought we were gonna fight when my apology went unacknowledged.
Here are some pictures of the event. If they seem fuzzy blame Apple and the iPhone camera. This phone was not intended to capture 5-6 year olds in their native environment.
Sorry for the lack of activity, I’ve been taking a bit of a holiday break. We have been enjoying the company of the Orion Carrolls and trying to ramp up Christmas activities after the Thanksgiving doldrums.
Here are a couple of blurry cam shots of various goofing around.