Cut me Mick!

Yes, we are going to revisit line-cutting. It takes a certain something to decide that the rules don’t apply to you and not only don’t they apply, but you are going to break said rules in front of the peons just to show them who’s boss. Sam and I attended the 2010 Airfest at the MacDill Airforce base here in Tampa which is where we witnessed this despicable act. More on the Airshow, which by the way this blog is formatted, you have likely already read.

I won’t get into the details of the act of line cutting but let me expose the techniques that you might see, and secondly I’ll tell you that the actual line that was cut…was an hour long. The length of the line is key in many ways.

Caveat #1 before the list – The longer the line, the more desperate people are to not stand in it, This is human nature, but it does not change the basic facts. Also, the longer the line, the more determined people are to defend it against line cutters. Here are some things to look out for.

- “Confused look” or “Special needs” approach – People think that if they act completely ignorant that there is even a line that they might get away with cutting it. This also sets up the “What? There’s a line? Really?” defense. This way you can semi-gracefully move on to the next vulnerable part of the line and try again without being physically accosted. I witnessed this one yesterday by a group of 4 people that thought if they just spun around endlessly looking like they didn’t even know how to find the end of the line people would just let them in. Since this line was over an hour long this is not a good approach.

- “The saunter” – This move can really only be pulled off by a single person since a large group would get caught every time. This one involves a person who lingers on the outside of a line, spots a weak spot in the line where people aren’t paying attention and then the person will just gently sidle up into the spot and hope that people just think to themselves, “Was that guy always there?” and think, “Aww well I guess it’s only one guy”.

- “Brute force” or “Invasion” – This move can be pulled off by a group of 5 or more people who are best served by being drunk and overweight. In this move this large group just walks up like they own the place in a loud and obnoxious way (preferably near a family with small kids) and just gets in line. People will confront a person or two, but big, fat drunk people can be a tough group. Your only hope here is to whip your fellow line mates into a frenzy and create an even larger force for good. This also might peak the interest of any security people and get them into the fray.

- “Hey buddy!” – This one involves finding a friend or neighbor already in the line and standing there talking to them long enough that people forget you weren’t actually in the line to begin with. This is the most frustrating approach since you have to wait it out to see if they will leave and likely involves children.

There are many other techniques to skip a line, but since this is a topic I address about once a year I’ll save the following for later. Here are future cheats to look out for: The “I work here” or “I know xxx”, Pregnant wife, 99 year old parent, kid in a wheelchair maneuver, and last but not least, “Fake badge”.