The other day I was at the grocery store playing a cat and mouse game with the actual shoppers there. I only have one job when I’m at the grocery store, and that is to drive the cart. I don’t really drive the cart as much as I kinda lean on it and bitch and moan my way through the aisles. The cat and mouse game enters into the fray when there is a lull in the shopping action. Not wanting to be a burden on other shoppers I always try to pick a place to park the cart where I won’t be in the way. It usually goes like this.
Jon: I think I’ll park over here by the Limburger cheese.
Shopper #1: Excuse me sir…but I’m trying to get to that cheese you are blocking.
Jon: Oh, sorry. I’ll just move over here by the pile of expired chicken cutlets oozing out on to the floor.
Shopper #2: Hey buddy! You wanna step aside while I scoops up them chicken pieces?
You get the picture. It doesn’t matter where I try to hide there is always some joker trying to get what I’m blocking. Another problem with the grocery store is that apparently the rule for driving a cart are completely different from driving a car. There is driving on the wrong side, no signaling, no one yields, it’s chaos. I have, however, removed this problem from my life for the most part. I found that I am now a known complainer of such extremes that no one really wants me to go with them to the grocery store anyhow.
I have a personal connection to the shopping carts at the grocery. I often get stuck with a cart that has a broken wheel and as you are pushing it down the aisle it always turns to the right. I always use the comparison of the broken cart that turns to the right with my dancing skills on the dance floor. I hold my wife close and we keep turning to the right until the song is over. We call it the broken shopping cart dance and we have it perfected. Watch out Donny Osmond.
ReplyDelete