Ladies and gentlemen….THE DOORS!!!

I’m not sure if you are up to speed on the latest news, but a major disaster has been avoided in New York this morning. Sit down first…I don’t want anyone to get hurt when they read this. The DOORMAN strike has been narrowly averted! I know what you’re thinking. How would all of those rich, snobby people been able to get through a door if this had happened? Can you imagine the backup onto the streets as the first guy in line sat and stared at the door expecting it to open? Seriously…there are still doormen? I know I see them from time to time when staying at a large hotel, but apparently this is an actual thing. Here is a link to the article.  Doormen strike averted It might be because I grew up in rural, Midwestern America, but I can’t imagine the need for doormen. We opened our own doors. The article mentions that they take out trash, keep the lobby clean, screen the visitors, blah, blah. Here at the Carroll manse I take out the trash, keep the lobby clean and the only screening done on the visitors is, ironically, the door itself. I’m adding another job to the list of “What to look for in case of losing my current job”.

That is all I really want to be-e-e!

As usual I’m writing here because I have a beef about something. It’s also a little amusing that I have a beef about, well, beef. Well, kind of. Hot dogs. Yesterday I went over to the recreation center across the street with Sam. We thought that we would take in a little league game, grab some ball park food, and otherwise just hang out together. You can basically get Sam to do or go anywhere with the promise of one of three things. Hot dogs, playgrounds, or “I’ll buy you something”. Ever since Norway me and Sam have had a connection based on the All American staple, the hot dog. I know that sounds contradictory, but since food was so expensive in Scandinavia they have many opportunities at hot dogs or various sausage concoctions. (Just don’t use the “ketchup”) Back to my issue. Next time you buy a hot dog try to run this one by them.

Cost of package of 10 hot dogs = approx. $1.99 – 20 cents per dog.

Cost of package of 10 buns = approx $1.29 – 13 cents per dog.

Cooking, prepping, blah, blah, blah…15 cents per dog?

Less than 50 cents to put a hot dog in my grubby little hands. How much do they charge for these hot dogs? sometimes up to $2.50. Let’s just say you sell 100 hot dogs in a day and you charge $2.00 over the cost of the hot dog per frank. Boom! $200.00 profit!

When Jen reads this she will know that it is all a ploy to revisit my idea of owning a hot dog cart, which is exactly what it is. This is, sadly, my aspiration in life. Selling hot dogs. Sigh.

No soup for you!

It’s a rare opportunity that I get to respond to my readers queries, as they are many, and I don’t want everyone to get the impression that I have time to respond to all the questions that I receive. Sometimes, however, there is a compelling list of questions that I’m sure is on everyone’s mind. To this end I am responding to a list of questions posed to me from one of my Moline, Illinois readers.

Mr. Inquisitive writes,

1) What book were you reading? - My book - click here

2) What height and weight stats are on your DL ? – 5 feet 8 inches, 170 lbs. Just like is in the press guide every season.

3) How much was the total bill ? – That’s a funny one because I’ve had places give me free stuff when they screw up that was worth more than this meal. Why not give me a free meal when I screw up? - $16.47

4) Did you leave a tip ? – I left her the $5.00 that I DID have with me. I’ll bet that waitress wishes more people forgot their credit cards or cash to get 30% tips.

5) Did your consider making a run for it ? The old "dine and dash". Not only did I consider it, but I made a couple of dry runs. The first one was the old, “Maybe I left it in my car?” – I think the manager was watching me and writing down my license plate.

6) What exactly did Jen say on the phone ? – The same thing I tell her on most phone calls. “I’ve screwed this up. How do I fix it?”

7) Did you get a toy with your meal ? Closest thing to a toy was the free peanuts.

8) Did the option of doing dishes ever enter the conversation or is that a myth ? I put that idea to bed in the initial conversation. I don’t do dishes at my house and I’m not doing them for strangers.

9) Are you on any kind of medication that may have contributed to your situation ? – None of the 14 prescriptions I’m on now are purported to have any kind of negative interactions, but I forgot to add that for some reason it took me 3 hours to get home. That was also a bit unusual.

10)Is your picture now on the back side of the register with a "No Service" sticker ? – Just this


Guess who’s paying for dinner?

Get a load of this one…

I had an opportunity to sit and have a quiet meal alone this evening. The circumstances aren’t important but I found myself at a restaurant all by myself, with a couple hours to kill AND a book to read while I was there. This is essentially…a vacation. I order my food, do some reading, eat slowly, do a little more reading. The place wasn’t very crowded, so they weren’t pushing me out the door. I got to do everything on my terms. I ordered what I wanted. I didn’t have to referee the kids, everything was great…until. I soon realized I didn’t have my billfold (wallet for you Midwesterners). I had my drivers license, my health insurance card and $5.00. I decided that I was probably ok. The $5.00 could go to the waitress and my health insurance card would come in handy when they took me out back and taught me a lesson about trying to beat the check. The drivers license would be good for identification if they went too far. I assumed that stuff like this happened on occasion and wouldn’t be that big of a deal. I was embarrassed, but I was confident they could do something.  Turns out that they weren’t that accommodating. It took two managers and 3 visits from my server to come up with a plan. Surrender my drivers license and go get some money. I was to make sure I got back before closing because they needed that money to close. Eventually Jen got on the phone and did some “I am a restaurant manager” talk on them and they worked out a deal. Two reasons not to go back. One – I’ll always be “that guy”. They’ll point at me and tell the story, whispering to each other, at least in my mind. Two – Any place that can’t figure out how to get out of that situation without causing a big deal probably doesn’t deserve my money…or the money I left at home even.

Missing in action…

I disappear for weeks and no one even bothers to send a cruiser by the house to check on me? I’m tempted to make up a big old tale of woe, something along the lines of being stuck in a Florida swamp or something, but…it’s been done. I’m battling a bad case of boringitis. My family is interesting enough, but more along the lines of a “Hey Grandma, you’ll never guess what Sam did today” There are plenty of you out there that would be as impressed with a blank space than that.

Larry update – doctors visits have gone ok, nothing to report. I’ve talked to him quite a bit and he seems to be keeping busy. There is some babble about wallpaper and bathrooms and such. This is why I don’t type those things. Cardinal baseball is back. His favorite team is doing well. Jen has had zero additional heart attacks. Dullsville.

I just wanted to check in. Say hi and tell you I’m ok. Not that any of you noticed.  : )

Sunday, Monday…

Every once in a while a day comes along with none of the usual lists or chores, strife or trouble. The problem with these days is that, by their nature, they are unscheduled surprises. You can’t save your money for them or wake up early for them, you just have to recognize that you are having one and go for the ride. One of those days just happened to catch us at the right time yesterday. The majority of us have been sick or struggling over the past month with various things, but yesterday will help get us through until our turn comes again. Now that I’ve built this up into some kind of big deal and made it into a corny thing, I don’t have a lot of evidence to show you that it is as I say. We spent the day with each other, without TV or computers (for the most part). We swam in the pool, went for a walk, ate lunch together on the lanai and generally had fun. The weather cooperated, nothing was broken, and I think we only got in the car once yesterday, and that was to get some ice cream to help wrap the whole thing up. Hope everyone else has had a turn recently, and here is the only evidence of yesterday.


Hippity, Hoppity

A couple of “Won’t Grandma and Grandpa like to see these pictures?” pictures. The first set is from Sam’s school where they had the 423rd annual Spring hat parade. Ironically Sam had chosen to have plastic slinkies on his hat and everyone thought he was just the cleverest kid because he made a “Spring” hat. Get it? SPRING? – look at the slinkies mom, it will come to you in a minute. Anyhow…here are some Easter related photos.

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DSCN4294 Sam's teacher - Ms. Gina

Easter egg hunt in the common area of our subdivision. One of the local churches sponsored an Easter egg hunt for the kids. Sam found the money egg and raked in a cool $5.00. Now we are off to another 20 egg hunts so we can find more cash. (just kidding)

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Not a Renaissance man

So it’s not like I have been doing absolutely nothing while I’ve been sick, but writing about it here has obviously been a challenge. I have cleared the desk of Kleenex, downed a bottle of Claritin, and I’m good to go. Here is a note from last weekends jaunt to the Renaissance festival here in Tampa.


So for the last month or probably more all I have been hearing about from Sara is “Can we go to the “Ren fest” At first I thought it was some sort of bird watching club and once I actually went I found that it IS basically a bird watching club. If the bird in question is the cuckoo bird. If you aren’t exactly sure what a Renaissance festival is, then here it is in a nutshell. A Renaissance festival is a big group of people playing dress up games and pretending that they live in the time of King Arthur. There are 3 levels of Ren festers, the first is the curious observer. This is the category me and Sam fell into while visiting. We were there just to partake in the Turkey leg eating and to see some fake sword fights. Second is the “Just goofing around” people. These people dress up in costume, have fun with it and go home to their normal lives. The last group is the more troublesome collection. This group is the “I’m batshit crazy and likely on leave from a mental institution” These people have full regalia costumes, talk like they are from the era and likely also live this way at home. They refer to themselves as knaves, and wenches and I’m glad I didn’t send my Norwegian friends to this event last year. Luckily it started to rain after a couple of hours of wandering in this weird world and I was able to convince Sara and her friend that we had to leave. Some photos for your perusal.

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