Meep meep!

So I have an invention I would like to share with you. This idea will save you thousands on your grocery bill. I know…I’m fascinated with the grocery store. Whatever.

In the world of smart phones and “apps” I think there needs to be a program on your phone that makes the EXACT same sound as the beep of the scanner at the checkout. I watched the cashier the other day as she checked out my groceries and noticed that she paid absolutely zero attention UNLESS that stupid beep didn’t happen. If I was on my toes with my own beep maker I probably wouldn’t have paid for half those damn groceries. Think about it. Oh…and I know this is fraud or theft or something like that. I didn’t say I was going to do it, I just said I think it needs to be made.

Cartman

The other day I was at the grocery store playing a cat and mouse game with the actual shoppers there. I only have one job when I’m at the grocery store, and that is to drive the cart. I don’t really drive the cart as much as I kinda lean on it and bitch and moan my way through the aisles. The cat and mouse game enters into the fray when there is a lull in the shopping action. Not wanting to be a burden on other shoppers I always try to pick a place to park the cart where I won’t be in the way. It usually goes like this.

Jon: I think I’ll park over here by the Limburger cheese.

Shopper #1: Excuse me sir…but I’m trying to get to that cheese you are blocking.

Jon: Oh, sorry. I’ll just move over here by the pile of expired chicken cutlets oozing out on to the floor.

Shopper #2: Hey buddy! You wanna step aside while I scoops up them chicken pieces?

You get the picture. It doesn’t matter where I try to hide there is always some joker trying to get what I’m blocking. Another problem with the grocery store is that apparently the rule for driving a cart are completely different from driving a car. There is driving on the wrong side, no signaling, no one yields, it’s chaos. I have, however, removed this problem from my life for the most part. I found that I am now a known complainer of such extremes that no one really wants me to go with them to the grocery store anyhow.