Where do monkeys go to drink?

This article is interesting. The basic premise is that kids are growing up to big old wimps because their playgrounds are too safe. This made me think of my playground on the school grounds of good old C.R. Hanna grade school. I think about it and I can’t really believe I’m not crippled. I also remember it from the perspective of a 3rd or 4th grader. The slide was about 30 feet tall and super fast. The monkey bars  were not big but they presented a unique challenge. If you couldn’t walk up them and over them without using your hands…you were a major loser…and this was scary as hell. I know because last time I was in Orion I went over there and tried to do it. Let’s see if I can find a couple of pictures to represent.

Oh, here’s the link to the article…  Are playgrounds too safe?

This is def. the slide…

Here is as close to the monkey bars as I could find. The bars of my youth were much bigger and if you got yourself perched up on top, well then you ruled…until someone knocked you off.

For any of you Orion people you will recognize these monkey bars…maybe.

and lastly…if you fell off the monkey bars? You fell hard and into the dirt, not some shredded up rubber, soft on your bones crap. Do a google search for “old playgrounds images” and it’s pretty interesting.

Radio star? That’s nuthin’

While I’m sitting around pondering the meaning of things this morning I’ll let you in on another of my profound philosophies.

It’s not their fault.

I was wandering around Best Buy on Friday and like most middle aged men I was enthralled with just about everything there was in that place. I also noticed that I had to pull Sam away from just about every display and model of phone, TV, MP3 player, video game console, heck even the fans. Yeah, this one.

After doing this for what seemed like the 500th time it occurred to me that a complaint I had about “today’s kids” wasn’t really that valid. I think we’ve screwed up. The reason why I played outside with my friends, flew kites, built forts and rode my bike all the time is that if I didn’t it was boring. I didn’t have 400 channels of cartoons, internet, and 3 different consoles of video games. Oh wait…we had video games here is what baseball looked like.

I don’t blame them. I would rather play a racing game on a 50” television screen wile the latest tunes blasted from the connected stereo. That sounds like fun and it would have kept me off my bike for hours. Seriously…here is what a driving game on your TV looks like now.

The Cub scouts have a “gaming badge” now. Maybe they should just teleconference the next campout, and everyone can pull up a screen with a camp fire on it and tell scary stories like “The time the power went off!!” and about “Old Crazy Dial up Joe”. Ok…I’m done. I’ll fix it and let you know how it works. Don’t hold your breath.

Attention Teenagers! NO is a complete sentence!

Today I’m giving out free lessons in life to teenagers. Since Sara is unlikely to read this I hopefully won’t be the victim of my own genius.

1. – Practice this in front of the mirror until you have perfected it and you can reduce being grounded or having (insert favorite thing here) taken away from you by like 87%, ready? Stare straight ahead. Don’t smirk, grimace, roll your eyes, or shift your weight. Don’t sigh, grunt, flail, or otherwise make a movement that might be interpreted as any thing other than complete attention to what is being said to you. If you can pull this off you can also get a really cool job guarding the Queen later in life.

2. – Here is the list of responses to your parents that are acceptable.

- Yes

- OK

- No problem

- Sure, I can do that

3. – Under no circumstances should you let your parents find out the things that are most important to you or they will become weapons to be used against you. Example: You say something rude and your dad says, “Give me that iPod.” Looks straight ahead using your skills from #1, choose any answer from #2. Pretend like it isn’t a big deal or you are gonna lose that iPod every time you even breathe incorrectly.

4. – I once read a rule of thumb that said, “If you think you have seen a mouse, you have.” This rule applies to any story you might have concocted that you think will avoid some form of trouble. If you think they are on to you. They are. In fact…since teenagers are intellectually incapable of putting together a really good, believable story you might as well come clean at the first sign of unraveling.

Example: “Hi honey did you fun at the movies?”

Wrong answer: “Yeah it was fun, we had a great time!”

Right answer: “Ok, ok, (using both #1 and #2) We stole a car and took the neighbor kid hostage”

The right answer avoids days of interrogation and allows your friends to get a jump on a good lawyer.

You’re welcome.

Mama Leone left a note on the door…

I’m sure this is an often heard diatribe or comedy routine, but I’m going to write it anyhow.

I am going to start a list. A list of all the things I’m going to do at Sara’s new apartment or house (whenever that happens). Maybe if I write it down here I will have sufficient memory of these things to actually do them. Here is a partial list.

- I’m going to eat her food and leave all the dishes and garbage on the coffee table.

- Anything I get out to use I’m going to leave wherever I want. I guess hair dryer is off the list though.

- I’m going to borrow stuff from her and then keep it. This is my favorite, but the opportunities will be limited. I’m not sure how much use I’m going to have of her stuff, but I’m borrowing it nonetheless. It’s going to be weird to ask for the mascara, but it’s going to happen.

Again…I know that these are the dreams of all parents who feel their kids have dumped on them at some time in their lives, but I can’t wait. It will happen. Promise

Thomas Paine don’t live here

At what age do you learn common sense? Is it a gradual thing? Is it a genetic thing? It’s driving me crazy. My kids do the craziest things because their brains haven’t figured out the proper way to do them. As I type I’ll try to think of an example from my own kids, but here’s one from a few minutes ago. I stopped to let some kids cross the street as they made their way home from school. What I didn’t know is that one of the little goobers was going to take that moment to stop in the middle of the road, take a moment to collect his wits, get his bicycle all set up nice, and THEN pedal away. Did it not occur to this kid that the middle of the road wasn’t the place to figure all of this out? My kids are constantly saying “I can’t find (insert dumb thing here)” Inevitably I walk into the room, assess where “dumb thing” is most likely to be and find it in 10 seconds. It only takes a modicum of common sense. There is a twitter feed that some guy keeps up and it’s simply a bunch of crazy stuff his dad says. Here’s the link. (CLICK). It’s accurately titled “Shitmydadsays”. I think I’m going to start my own…”shitmykidsdo”. I’ll let you know how it goes.

I can’t even come up with a title.

Writers block today so I’ll post a few pictures and get some REAL work done. The kids have had a great time with the animals on this trip…somewhere in the file of digital pictures, on some hard drive somewhere are more of them feeding the horses. This will have to do for now, my brain won’t operate.