My local hangout

Seems I’m going to have to re-name this blog. “Everything I’ve learned, I’ve learned at the grocery store” or “101 Observations from aisle 10”? I either spend too much time at Publix or it’s the only time my mind is free of other encumbrances.

Today’s observations from aisle 10.

1. I saw the funniest cell phone disaster ever tonight. Lady comes out of Publix, fumbles for her phone…proceeds to drop it. This wasn’t all that funny until she kicked it. The topper? She kicked it into the parking lot and it got run over by a car. I had to leave the scene. I had no idea if I could contain my laughter. Last I saw she was just standing there. Staring at the parking lot.

2. The postal service is mean. I saw a perfectly good looking, middle aged, fit looking guy standing in the checkout lane. They made him wear this.

Sorry if it is hard to see

3. **DISCLAIMER – For single guys only. I do not condone or consider this for myself.** – The grocery store has got to be the perfect place to meet women. Let’s think about it.

ALL women have to eat. By choosing the grocery store you are not limiting your pool of candidates.

Don’t have to pay a cover charge for the grocery store.

You can tell by their cart some very telling clues. Pay special attention to the time they spend at the pharmacy.

If you REALLY hit it off with someone from the produce section you are only steps away from flowers and candy if you want to speed things up a bit.

There are no bouncers at the grocery store. If things get out of hand it takes a lot to get kicked out of the store. BONUS – Not likely to get a drink thrown in your face.

I seriously have not tired any of the above, but since I’m sure I have a vast following of single men, 18-49, I thought I would offer this public service message.

Cart-ography

Since the economy needs all the jobs it can get these days I won’t take my latest observation to the CEO’s of Target, Wal-MArt, or (insert favorite grocery store here). Why do we have an army of people dedicated to the collection, organizing and returning of shopping carts? I was at a large Wal-MArt the other day and there were carts everywhere. Up on curbs, piled high in the parking spaces…everywhere. This may be becoming an overused phrase in this blog, but I wonder why we don’t do things the way they do in Europe? Maybe there are places that do things differently in the states somewhere, but I’ve never seen it.

The concept is simple. All the carts require a coin to use and you get the coin back when you return the cart to the line of other carts. Here is a picture:

The only downfall I see to this here is that our coin of choice would probably be a quarter. In most places in Europe it was a Euro. (Dollar’ish) I think a lot of Americans would decide to leave the quarter behind for the laziness of not taking the cart back. I also think that a clever person would know this and make a pretty good chunk of change in a large parking lot chasing those lazy Americans quarters for them. I guess it would achieve the same goal. Some of the grocery stores even would give you a slug coin with their logo on it to carry around with you so you would always have “the coin” Just trying to help America.

Swede child of mine….(I know, lame)

It occurs to me that I said I was going to try to write something here every day since I have struggled to do so lately, so here you go.

Medical updates

Larry is doing ok.

Jen is doing ok

Probably neither one of them would agree with my assessment.

Life updates

I think someone is trying to send us a message or send us back to Sweden. Overnight, it seems, all of the fire hydrants in our sub-division were magically painted. What colors do they choose to paint them?

Curiously I went looking for some vague memory I have of our time in Sweden…lo and behold, Sweden is invading! This is the first step…taking over our fire protection services!

 

They sneak the old Blue and gold into your life and next thing you know it’s Tusen Tak for your country, we own you.

All I want is to be left alone in my average home!

I will try to break my streak of cynicism here tomorrow, but for today you get some more.

You ever notice those “Neighborhood Watch” signs?

Do you think that as the criminals are trolling around looking for places to do crimes they are thwarted by these signs? Does the conversation go like this:

Criminal #1: Hey Joe. Look at that place over there! Corner lot, shades closed, grass is overgrown….lets take them for everything they have!

Criminal #2: Are you kidding? Did you see the sign? The neighborhood is watching. We don’t stand a chance.

There was about 3 weeks in the 80’s that people in these neighborhoods got together at one of the neighbor houses, had some beers and talked about taking back the streets. The toured the streets for a couple of hours with flashlights, patted themselves on the back for 265 consecutive crime free days and moved on. I’m sorry, but I laugh when I see these signs. Are the neighborhoods without the signs at serious risk? Do you just have to buy a sign? I’m always looking for the people to peer out of their windows as I drive through their streets, just begging them to bust out the Bat signal.

It’s the little things

I had no idea that so many things were different. I knew the languages and the settings and various things would be different, but there are some tiny differences that seem to haunt me.

Washer and Dryers – I find it funny that all of our exchange families knew that there were differences in the washer and dryers and left instructions. We, however, left none for ours. I think the people living in our house probably got by since they could at least read the instructions. All of the washers and dryers we have come across have had multiple little tubs to fill with liquids that you better not mess up. None of the dryers we have had have had drains, but instead they have reservoirs that need emptying each time. Add in the language barrier and I end up wearing dirty clothes rather than letting the washing machine make me feel dumb dumber.

Cross walks – I’ve mentioned this in a prior post, but I’m still amazed at the confidence people here have in a cross walk. They don’t think twice or even look one way or the other in most instances…they just plow their way across the street. I really hope I don’t run anyone over in the next couple of weeks. I have to remember REALLY hard to pay attention when nearing a cross walk.

Doors – This one is very subtle, but the most of the doors swing the opposite direction in most places we’ve been. I know I’m crazy for thinking this, but once you take a couple of shots to the fingers or head from a door you thought was going the other way, you’ll see what I mean. I also had to quickly learn the words for push or pull. You really feel dumb pausing at every door you come to.

Tipping – I have taken an approach to tipping that will probably get most of you in trouble when you get here. I don’t tip at all. I used to over tip in the states, but since I can’t figure out how it works here I just don’t tip. I think this is because every time I thought I had to tip someone, they just shooed me away. Anyone who should have received a tip? Sorry.

Walking in the bike lane/path – Sam is super concerned about this one. He is hyper vigilant about NOT walking in the bike lane. He will chide you if you step in the wrong spot and has had minor freak outs when Sara would tease him by walking there on purpose.

Sorry if I’ve recycled some of these, but these are the types of things that keep my mind busy.