My local hangout

Seems I’m going to have to re-name this blog. “Everything I’ve learned, I’ve learned at the grocery store” or “101 Observations from aisle 10”? I either spend too much time at Publix or it’s the only time my mind is free of other encumbrances.

Today’s observations from aisle 10.

1. I saw the funniest cell phone disaster ever tonight. Lady comes out of Publix, fumbles for her phone…proceeds to drop it. This wasn’t all that funny until she kicked it. The topper? She kicked it into the parking lot and it got run over by a car. I had to leave the scene. I had no idea if I could contain my laughter. Last I saw she was just standing there. Staring at the parking lot.

2. The postal service is mean. I saw a perfectly good looking, middle aged, fit looking guy standing in the checkout lane. They made him wear this.

Sorry if it is hard to see

3. **DISCLAIMER – For single guys only. I do not condone or consider this for myself.** – The grocery store has got to be the perfect place to meet women. Let’s think about it.

ALL women have to eat. By choosing the grocery store you are not limiting your pool of candidates.

Don’t have to pay a cover charge for the grocery store.

You can tell by their cart some very telling clues. Pay special attention to the time they spend at the pharmacy.

If you REALLY hit it off with someone from the produce section you are only steps away from flowers and candy if you want to speed things up a bit.

There are no bouncers at the grocery store. If things get out of hand it takes a lot to get kicked out of the store. BONUS – Not likely to get a drink thrown in your face.

I seriously have not tired any of the above, but since I’m sure I have a vast following of single men, 18-49, I thought I would offer this public service message.

I WILL have a nice day thank you

I figured I should write about a good customer service day since I complain a lot when I don’t like something. It started at my least favorite place…the cell phone company. Verizon has become so big that I think they are now offering oil changes at their stores. To get your cell phone switched you have to go to the “special” store, make it through the gauntlet of “special offers” from the sales people, and the get on the, you guessed it, “special list”. I happened to catch them looking the other way and escaped the first two steps, the first person I talked to put me on the list, and within 15 minutes they actually agreed with me and gave me a new phone. No signatures, no new contract. Nothing. I do suspect that they are setting me up for some future whammy. I’ll let you know. After that I was encouraged by my success and visited one of my actual favorite places, Publix. They didn’t happen to have the one thing I was looking for on the shelf and I did something I never do…I asked if there was any “in the back”. Here is how the “Is there any in the back?” question gets handled usually.

1. – Employee laughs out loud and says no.

2. – Employee realizes that this is a chance to take a 20 minute break and “goes to check”.

3. – Employee asks the manager who does one of the above for them.

4. – Employee goes into the mysterious “back” and comes back with something completely different that they have determined “might work”

I happened to ask a person who not only knew what I was looking for, but actually said “I think that truck came in yesterday, let me check”. She came back with the exact thing I asked for. I almost hugged her. I managed to hold back because I didn’t want to be the “crazy dish wash detergent guy” every time I went there. I hate to be a pessimist, but I believe in karma going both directions. Let’s see what happens tomorrow.

And if you ask me why I’ll say!!!

I’m in a bit of a quandary. The Publix deli that we get our cold cuts from has this thing they do that makes me uncomfortable. Whenever you ask them for X amount of cheese or meat they go back to their super slicers and then present you with a slice. They always want to know if it’s ok. Too thick? Too thin? The problem is I don’t really want that free slice they offer. I’m not having lunch there at the deli counter and it seems kinda weird to be chomping a partial sandwich right there in the middle of the store. You’re probably thinking what’s the big deal? Just refuse the slice. Well that’s where they get weird. The last time I said I didn’t want the free slice the guy got all offended. He asked me like 5 times, “Are you sure?" The I think he went back and whispered something to the other shower cap wearing gang, because they were all looking at me. I’m just going to have to buy the pre-packaged stuff. Now the deli people make me nervous and they have knives.